April 15, 11:15 pm
I’ve made up my mind and I chose not to go to my own party. Call me stupid but I can’t be a bad person. I don’t think I could handle being happy when I know that the person who holds my heart is slowly dying.
Yes. I chose Drew over Brad. Even if there are a lot of questions that I want to be answered, I still chose him. I guess I can’t remove the fact that my love for him never faded. Maybe I just tried to make myself believe that I moved on even if my heart knows that I can’t. Maybe I just tried to make myself believe that I didn’t love him anymore even if the truth is I’ll keep on loving him forever.
This feeling may suck for other people but for me, it’s something that I’ll treasure for the rest of my life. I mean not all people get the chance to meet their perfect match from the very first meeting. I knew from the start that I want to share the rest of my life with Drew from the first time that we met. Indeed, love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.
I left my house at around 4 pm and went directly to Drew’s house. I don’t know what to expect. I don’t know what to say. But one thing’s for sure. My heart wants to be with its other half.
I knocked on the door of Drew’s house and waited for someone to open the door. My knees are starting to shake. My palms are starting to sweat. Yeah. I am damn nervous. I don’t know if Drew would be happy to see me or what. But I’m wishing that it’s the former.
The door opened and I saw Desiree, Drew’s sister. She was shocked to see me but I just hugged her to quiet her down. I want to surprise Drew with this decision. The decision that I want him back in my life.
I went to Drew’s room and found him there. Still sleeping. I guess nothing has changed. He’s still a sleepyhead. Haha. I lied beside him and brushed his hair. Yeah. His hair is not like those guys have. He’s more of a K-Pop guy. Hmm. Maybe even close to Kim Bum. Haha.
Watching him sleep peacefully makes my heart beat faster. Maybe because it’s been a long time since I lied beside him. Maybe because it’s been a long since that last time I saw him.
He woke up and I just smiled at him. I didn’t even realize that I was silently crying. Tears of joy? Definitely. (:
Again, questions filled up my mind. Why did he let me go? Why did he push me away? Why did he hide his sickness from me? Why did he fight alone? Why did he choose to see me suffering because of what he did? Why did it take him years before he got the courage to tell me the truth?
Questions that needs answers. Questions that I already knew what the answers were but I can’t bear to admit and to accept. I wanted to ask him all of those but a simple hug washed away all of those.
I guess love conquers all and eases all of the pain away. Why? I know you know the answer. Why don’t you look at your heart and admit it now?
Looking back,
Michelle
