June 3, 3:00 am
It’s been two days since our wedding…
and it’s been a day since he left me. Yeah. Drew died. Just like that. I just don’t know how to put what I’m feeling right now into words. It hurts so much that it makes me feel like I just want to die as well.
All along I thought everything’s going to be fine. I thought finally, we’ll be together for the rest of our lives. But he left me and there’s no way for him to come back.
As much as I want to convince myself that he’ll be back it’s just so hard to do.
I’ve always dreamt of being his wife. Yes, it came true but it only lasted for a day and it hurts so much. I don’t know how to survive without him. I don’t know if I could manage to sleep and wake up only to find out that he’s gone forever.
I know his life for the past years was not easy. I know I should be thankful right now because he’s in a better place and he finally had his chance to rest but I just can’t accept the fact that life is so unfair.
All that I was asking was to be with him. To be able to spend more time with him as his wife. To be able to spend at least one more month or one more week with him but life didn’t give me that.
Life took him away from me.
Even if our wedding would be a memory, I’ll keep it in my heart forever. I’ll be keeping all of our memories in my heart. That’s the only thing that I could right now.
As much as I want to hold on, he left me and I can’t hold on to him anymore. I don’t want to bid my goodbye to him. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t think I could handle this. This pain is much worse than what I felt before.
I didn’t even have the chance to tell him that I love him for the last time. He left me without a word and it breaks my heart so much.
Drew, tell me, how am I supposed to continue living now that I know that my source of strength and the only person that gives me a reason to live is gone? Tell me, how am I supposed to continue living without you?
Drew, I love you so much. I’m so sorry I never got the chance to be a good wife to you. I’m sorry that we never got the chance to be a complete family. I’m sorry for wasting my time abroad instead of fighting for what I felt for you.
Drew, is there a way for you to live again and be by my side once more? I don’t want to live with memories alone. I want to spend my life with you. I want to build a family with you. But how could those things come true if you’re not here?
Drew, please come back. I need you so much. I love you and I don’t think I could make it without you.
Please stay by my side Drew. I’m begging you.
Looking back,
Michelle
