A Thousand Strokes

We've been together for so many years, but I felt so hollow with you, it feels like no blunt memories had been made for thoughout the years.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, millenniums feels the same, I haven't felt a single grain of sand fall in my hourglass, or our hourglass.

Made a garden of roses for you, endure the thorns that I got for you, I don't want you to see you upset, I'd rather keep these pain in order to see those smiles. :)

I'll travel the Everest just to put a flag that says, "I love you" for you, even though I might get frostbites or hypothermia, and worst case scenario, I might die. lol

I would rebuilt the Hanging Gardens Of Babylon for you, I would do anything to let you see the ancient garden you always dream to see, It would take me more than years to build it, but for you, it would be like seconds for me. :)

Does the word, "appreciate" still exist in your head? I tried to give you my best versions, my best me, just to only get a stare, and a forced smile.

I would swim to the dark cerulean abyss just to get you that necklace, hmph, I envy the love of Jack and Rose, oh to feel a pure love, to love someone even though their worlds forbids them, but still, they showed something that can make a heart beat. :)
I would do what Romeo did for Juliet... I would k!ll myself, because I wouldn't want to live in a world, where there's a missing puzzle in my heart that will never be filled,
It's so bizarre how love can be complex, how it can be dangerous, how it can make a person sacrifice their life for someone they love, But you know, I know that wouldn't happen to me, I'm not demanding a big sacrifice, just abit of appreciation, I can turn my blues to yellows.

I dreamt about running with you to a field of tulips, daisies, and lavenders, your favorite flowers, Even though your focus won't be on me, but to run with you, with your favorite flowers, to see that smile, AHHHHHHH, I feel like I'm gonna explode to petals, I just want to see you happy, I don't want to see that face sad.

Sometimes I feel like an old pencil you know, I feel dull, even though I'm trying to be sharp, but, I feel dull, I feel like I can't even sketch an eye for you, I'm trying to sharpen myself everyday, but you always like the sketches with numerous details, and with that, I'm just a "dull" pencil, again, and again, and again, and again, I'm so tired, I don't feel like going into a sharpener anymore, will it make a difference? Even if the sketches move, you wouldn't even show any gratitude. The eyes don't lie.

I could do so many things for you, I can name many, I could wrote poems with thousands of stanzas for you, even if you won't read them, I would fly to the moon to put a flag that says "I love you", I would do anything, I would... trust me I would... I can lift Thor's hammer just to prove that I am worthy, I am worthy... I'm too worthy to be a ghost, I am too worthy to be invisible.

To be honest, I would even travel the desert just to find a lamp of a genie and give it to you, just to let you have the three wishes of your life, even if I'm not included in it.

You're my Mona Lisa, you're an art to me,
it makes me feel Surreal, it's like our house is like a museum but you're the only aspect that matters to me, even if our house has gold sculptures, gigantic murals, fascinating landscapes, you would be the only one who shines brighter than all of them.

Ohhh I really love you, I'm trying to say them with thousands of words, but you tolerate it.

I always feel like our home is a shrine, it's the silence is so loud, that I can hear the butterflies flap their wings.

Why should I call it a home, when I never felt the essence of home in it?

Hmmmph...

I remember when we we're in the 10th grade in highschool, we we're in a different section, I tried my best to earn those medals just to be on the stage, just to have an opportunity to say a speech in front of everyone, just to impress you, just to say my feelings hidden with similes and metaphors.
Times when I could still make you show those teeth, times when I could make you laugh, times where a walk in a park is like a once in a lifetime opportunity for you, times where our love is young, but true....
Different rooms did not stop us to connect the red strings.

I wonder if the red strings is still in our finger after all these time.

Now all I see is you paint it blue while I'm trying to make it yellow.

While you out building other worlds, where was I? You said you will chase your dreams with me, you will chase it with our hands tied, but I think the tie became lose, and now you're there, without me, you find your happiness to the world you dreamt.

I still remember those memories even though they're black and white now, remember when you draw hearts in the crossword puzzle instead of letters.

I gave so many signs, so many signs, but you chose to ignore it. You focused on the gold on the house and ignored the mud all around it.

I wonder if I will enter the pearly gates of heaven...

You know I promise myself everytime I feel tolerated, I would paint a landscape, everytime you tolerate my efforts, I would put a single stroke to the painting.

Years have passed I can't put any paint now that the painting is completed, do you like it? It's a field of your favorite flowers, daisies, tulips, and lavenders with the setting sun turning the nurturing sky like its a paradise, the mix of colors that turns a weeping angel smile.

The pendulum is moving, the hands are moving, I wanna make it stop. Should I?

I am tired...

I want to rest, I need a sleep.

.. / .-.. --- ...- . / -.-- --- ..- --..-- / .- -. -.. / .. / .... --- .--. . / -.-- --- ..- / ... .... --- .-- . -.. / - .... . / ... .- -- . / - --- / -- . .-.-.-

"I love you, but I hope you showed the same to me"

"Love Husband"

With a signature.

She cried as she read the letter, and witness her husband hanging on the roof with the medals he accomplished.

And also the landscape, that is hanging up in the wall.

There was a letter with the landscape, written in blood, it says, "thank you, for the short and pure love during highschool, thank you"
She cried even more as she saw the slits in her husband's arm.

All she can say is "sorry" with a painful and suffering voice.

The painting really has, thousands of strokes.

THE END