Love You Goodbye II H.S

13*

A/N

Hey Besties, 

This will possibly be the last chapter that which there will be a photo that isn't Harry, I wanted to do a quick check-in, How is everybody's life/mental health at the moment?

If you're struggling with anything at the moment then you're not alone, You have people around you who care and if you don't then I care for you.

All my love,

-M

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*Self-harm, blood, and panic attacks mentioned*

Today was New Year's Eve, Harry and Niall were out doing an interview, Louis, Zayn and Liam were doing who knows what and I was in the hotel room, trying to ignore the feeling of hurting myself. I hadn't since one time in Germany then before in Paris. I managed to clean the hotel and finish a drawing of the boys from San Siro a couple of days ago. Now I had nothing to do to keep myself busy and I caved, I found a blade. 

The room on my forearms had almost been filled except for a spot on the inside of my right wrist, I instead rolled up my shorts and started with one slit on the outside of my thigh.

I had done some more scattering across my thighs but I still felt like I hadn't evened out with my thoughts, tears formed in my eyes as I thought that I couldn't stop, since the first time I did it when I was 16. Zayn had come to see if I wanted to join him, Louis and Liam but he saw me like this for the second time. He already knew where the stuff was to clean up the blood, he helped clean my legs as I sat there, feeling so defeated.

"Do you want to talk about anything,"

"I started this when I was 16 and now I feel like it's gotten so out of hand that I can't control it and I can't think about telling Harry, it would break him,"

He nodded and then suddenly his face lit up, "Do you have a Sharpie somewhere,"

"On the table, why,"

"I saw this thing that might help with you hurting yourself," He replied.

"Can I see your wrists," I showed them to him and he started drawing a butterfly on the clear spot on my right wrist, "Who is someone you love with all of your heart and would never want to hurt,"

"Harry," I replied.

"Ok, so this butterfly is Harry and if you hurt yourself on your wrists, thighs, or other places and If you wash it off on purpose then you killed the butterfly which means you killed Harry. if you let it fade away by itself and not hurt yourself then you let the butterfly live and be let free,"

I understood how the butterfly came into play now and he had set me a goal that I think I could achieve, "How did you come up with this,"

"I saw it after the scene in Paris and meant to tell you but we haven't been alone since Paris and I didn't want to tell in front of Harry because he doesn't know," Zayn replied.

"There was also something I needed to tell you about Louis's birthday,"

"What is it," He replied.

"You know when I gave Louis his present and Liam wasn't there and then I went looking for him, I found him but he,"

My phone rang and it was coincidentally Liam, I picked up to Louis talking to me, "Do you know where Zayn is,"

"Yeah he came to check on me since Harry and Niall aren't here," I said, putting the phone on speaker.