Maddie thought Harry was going to be hers forever, he thought the same. They were labelled as the perfect couple but the Media and Rumours broke her. Harry wanted Maddie to stay with every fucking thing in his body but her health didn't listen to hi...
It wasn't right for us anymore. It's been 4 years and I'm starting to write my second album, I was searching all around my house to find a flash drive that had a song called Medicine, I pulled down this box and opened it to reveal Maddie's things.
I haven't seen this stuff since 2015, pulling out the things revealed the letter she wrote to me, a different flash drive. I started reading the letter for the first time.
Harry,
I'm writing this in your dressing room while you're onstage, having the time of your life doing what you love. I can see on your face that you love the fans, the music, the boys and me. I don't know if you're reading this while I'm still here or if I'm already gone, but I kind of hope it's the latter part because the other is just too embarrassing.
I'm really scared, I'm scared about the rumours, I'm scared about Max, I'm scared about hurting you. I'm scared that if I killed myself, it'll hurt you more than it would hurt me.
I had this feeling about doing it since before I met you and the boys, I was going to do It that same night we visited you at Soundcheck in Manchester but since you made that offer I didn't do it. You brought out the best of me, a part that I hadn't seen since I was 13 years old but the media ruined all of that for me, for us.
The scariest part isn't dying, it's leaving you behind, leaving everyone in my life behind. Peter Pan was always saying that dying must be the biggest adventure of all, but I'm not sure. What if there isn't an after? What then?
I'm going to miss you so much, though, and you know what? Fuck it, even if there is no after, I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss you forever.
Thank you. Thank you for changing my life, teaching me how to love again, and being there for me at my best and worst. Thank you for putting up with the rumours about us. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for being someone I can trust, someone I can love unconditionally and someone who loves me unconditionally in return. I could say a million more thank you's but that still wouldn't be enough.
I don't want this 'suicide letter' to be long because I'm running out of room, but I only ask a few things.
Keep making music - your music was a saving point for me thanks to my best friend playing at a sleepover when we were 18. If the music saved me, it probably saved thousands of other people. Maybe you'll come out with a new album and go on another tour, maybe when you're old you'll think of the times on this tour.
Find love again - Now I'm not saying go kissing anyone the second my casket gets put into the ground. I just don't want you to spend the rest of your life alone because of me dying. Find someone who will love you as much as I do and as much as you love me.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Or do, if that makes you happy. I just want you to be happy. I want you to smile, Harry. You're a good person, a really good one. You can do a lot of good things for people. You can move mountains, still the seas and change lives. I hope you take advantage of that.
Maybe I'll see you again, in another life or something, when I've disintegrated and become a part of the stars and you have, too, but even then I hope it's not for a long, long time after you've lived your life in full and travelled and experience everything. After you've become a father, a grandfather or great-grandfather.
I can't wait to see you on the other side, in another life.
Always in my heart, Styles.
Yours sincerely,
Madelyn,
I was lost for words.
I had done the opposite of most of those things, I cut my hair, and the band didn't stay together. I wanted to know what was on that flash drive next, I plugged it into my computer and a folder came up, inside that folder was a document with a song, called Fine Line and a video.
I played the video first and her beautiful face came up on the screen, "Hi Harry, I don't know when you'll see this but I wrote a song for you, thats in a man's perspective that you could use for the band or just keep it to yourself but I don't mind, here it is,"
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Tears rolled down my face, seeing her for the first time in so long but she just isn't here. Only in videos and dreams she is with me. This song was emotionally attached to me from the first lyric and now I didn't even care about that other song, I cared about this song called Fine Line.
One of my album producers Kid Harpoon called me, I already had 2 missed calls from him and I think he wanted to know where the medicine flash drive was, "Harry, did you find the flash drive,"
"No, no I didn't but I found a different one that somebody special gave me ages ago that has a song that will go perfect for the album,"
While writing this I have realised that I have one chapter left, and it makes me sad but also proud of what I've made and gone through in my personal life while writing about this. Thank you for all your support, I really appreciate it
