Don't Blame Me {a Kas/Eddie Munson story}

23: Hold It Like A Grudge

"Trust that you betrayed, confusion that still lingers
Took everything I loved and crushed it in between your fingers
And I doubt you ever think about the damage that you did
But I hold onto every detail like my life depends on it

My undying love, now, I hold it like a grudge
And I hear your voice every time that I think I'm not enough

And I try to be tough, but I wanna scream
How could anybody do the things you did so easily?

And I say I don't care, I say that I'm fine
But you know I can't let it go, I've tried, I've tried, I've tried for so long

It takes strength to forgive, but I don't feel strong..."

-"​​the grudge", Olivia Rodrigo

*****

When Eddie was alive the first time he struggled to fit in. He stood out like a flamingo in a flock of pigeons every time he stepped foot out the door. But after dying? Invisibility became his best friend. He specialized in going unnoticed. It was a power he wielded wildly and freely. It came in handy when he was stalking victims for Vecna and more importantly, while following around Blake Turner. There was only one person that ever saw him nowadays, and Eddie could feel in the pit of his stomach the civil war raging in her heart every time she laid eyes on him.

Eddie would hide in the shadows while he watched her train with her friends. Every so often she'd look over her shoulder towards him, but he never stepped into the light. But he didn't want to just step into the light. He wanted to burst into it and grab her by the shoulders and shake her and make her see that she was the only one for him. But even though he was the one in her bed at night, he felt her getting further and further away. She was sliding through his fingers like water from a faucet and no matter what he did or how hard he squeezed she would never stop leaving. She was always on her way out. And it was his fault. He could only blame himself.

Valentina had her dark hair pulled into a high ponytail as she threw her arms around at every conceivable angle as she tried to control a fire that was engulfing a nearby bush in the woods by Hopper's cabin. With strained fingers spread apart Valentina took a deep breath in and raised her hands slowly, the fire in front of her glowing brighter and thicker. Her nostrils flared and with her eyes squeezed shut, she cut through the air in a downward slash with her fists and the bush went up in smoke.

"Wow." Steve Harrington said as he slowly approached her. It had been a few weeks of training and Valentina had become a weapon of mass destruction. Paired with Amelia's abilities and Eleven's, the trio finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. They were ready for Vecna. Every day Valentina felt stronger. Steve patted her on the shoulder and walked back inside Hopper's cabin.

Valentina still had her back to Eddie. She flexed her fingers and appeared to be looking down at her toes.

What times Blakey boy picking you up tonight? Eddie sent the thought into her mind like a snake slithering through the grass. He'd spent whatever time he wasn't with Valentina or watching her, watching him.

Knock it off. I'm not in the mood for it today Kas. Valentina adjusted her ponytail and marched towards her car.

"Valentina!" Hopper called out from the front porch of the cabin. Valentina froze and spun around.

Eddie watched as they exchanged looks of loss and longing. Something flowed between them and he hated that he didn't understand.

"Let me know if you need anything today, okay?" Hopper said with a nod, looking very much like a concerned father. Valentina nodded back and Eddie could swear she was blinking away tears, even though he couldn't see her face fully.