The Queer Stories

09. Definitely..., Maybe Cursed

Noises. Loud music. Huge, huge crowds. The beat of the music geared up the festive atmosphere. Saturday night was the busiest time at this gay bar. Probably amplified by alcohol, people were guffawing as if they were participating in a laughing contest.

"I AM CURSED!! I AM DEFINITELY CURSED!!"

The blonde woman was yelling with indubitable frustration. She was sitting at the table accompanied by another woman with short dark brown hair, and two macho guys who were obviously gay.

"So, you just found out your boyfriend is gay. And... you said your ex-husband is gay, and your son is gay..." the guy with beautiful blue eyes couldn't stop grinning. "And...?"

"Ok. Let's do it all over again," said the woman with short dark brown hair. "Her father is gay, her brother is gay, her ex-husband is gay, her son is gay, and she literally just found out her boyfriend is gay."

The faces of the two gentlemen were contorted. One couldn't keep his face straight and the other was trying very hard not to seem overly sympathetic.

"And her ex-boyfriend before her ex-husband is also gay."

"Oh milady, what kind of Twilight Zone are you living in?!" The man with the leather jacket shouted, eyes wide open.

"I'm so fucked up! Why does this always happen to me?!"

"Okay, girlfriend, calm down!" The blue-eyed man tried to stop snickering, though not successfully. "Why don't you tell us everything about it? Oh, and what do you ladies want to drink?"

"Yes, tell us!" said the leather guy who was clearly more sincere. "And the drinks are on us!"

The lady with blonde hair was Olivia. She was like a gay magnet and always surrounded by gay men. Her parents got divorced when she was in high school. Turned out her father was gay. She had her first boyfriend in college, but they broke up peacefully after graduation. A couple of years later she had her second boyfriend, who became her husband. They had a son. But years later when she bumped into her first boyfriend and introduced him to her husband, the ex and the husband fell in love. She was devastated but eventually divorced her husband and let them be together. She didn't realize her son was gay until he was in high school and got caught in his classmate's bed. She cried for weeks. After she finally pulled herself together, she had a third boyfriend. But earlier today her brother told her that he had actually dated this guy before, and this guy was only with women for their money.

The guys showed a proper amount of sympathy for her misfortune. They comforted her and said everything was going to be alright. Olivia kept complaining about her jinxed love life. The guys kept trashing her third man and said she deserved better.

But after another round of drinking, the short haired lady pointed out that, as bizarre as it was, Olivia's life story didn't seem to shock the two well-mannered gay men. They just listened calmly and carefully, and hardly showed any astonishment or disbelief. The short haired lady was a bit surprised that the whole story didn't seem to impress them that much.

"Oh no, no, Samantha, you totally got us wrong!" said the guy in leather. "It's not like we're not impressed. We're impressed, right? Gary?"

"Of course we are. This is probably one of the weirdest things we've ever heard. Maybe... uh, it's probably in the top ten, I guess?"

"Top ten?! Only top ten?"

"Oh ladies, you know, this world is far weirder than we could ever imagine. It's crazy; it's baffling; it's queer; and it's full of nonsense!"

"Are you telling me that Olivia's story isn't crazy enough?"

"Yeah, are you telling me that my life isn't crazy enough for you guys?"