I guess I want to be alone

personal feelings from the revelation part 2

Author kun: here's the part two

Ritsuka POv

I was  in a room where the supporters lent me and the servants told they'll scout the area I was left to my thoughts to be honest... this whole incident could've been avoided if I didn't give them mana transfer don't get me wrong all the mana sessions where all not my plan its just that...somehow I can make them stronger by giving them my semen/mana 

thinking back when me and Iska were both new to Chaldea I admired his bravery back when were rayshifted to fuyuki his intelligence to use nearby obstacles was astounding so when we were back at Chaldea Minus the director I promised myself to be like him to be brave like him to be nice like him to approachable like him

I view him as my role model because I have no idea what to do at that time 

every time he was with me in singularity I always look towards his direction for guidance while also slowly forming bonds through out the singularities so after the 4th singularity when we were back at Chaldea for the mana session he finally find us out I was ashamed to look at him so when Artoria came clean on what he's servants been doing behind he's back my disgust at myself grew 

after that day our relationship was reduced to simple greetings though one night after taking a bath I saw him sopping wet from the halls with an attire that doesn't belong to Chaldea he looks really down that I was worried for his health that i immediately rushed towards him

"are you alright?"

he then glared at me and pinned me to the ground 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP DAMNIT....." he's hands are shaking from anger and grief "I lost my teammates, my friends, my servants , my family what else are you going to steal from me!' he then grabbed my collar of my uniform and slammed me again into the wall before he raised his fist towards my face normally I would've protected my self but he has a point I already stole a lot from him so I embraced myself but he stopped midway 

"I dont get it...why does everyone prefer you over me....I'm aware I'm being selfish but why....why do you always get the respects of the servants around you even the staffs were charmed by you while I was left alone..." he then finally put me down making me fall down my butt

"sorry for the rant I'm just a pathetic loser in this organization...i have no right to be angry at you" he then left I was then struggling to stand up while holding me chest in pain when did he start having immense strength?

couple of hours later I was startled awake by my door being broken he then proceeds to transfer his servants to me I didn't asked for it but it's already obvious his servants prefer me over him

"I didn't ask for this!, please don't do this"

"can you......please shut up......before I punch you in the face....for a moment' he's voice is eerily calm

"my servants needs a better master....and I'm not for their standards but you, you passed their standards" he then gave me a childish smile yet to me its a broken smile