Soft love

Last Chance

Emily

Today was the day – today had to be the day – she told herself. Today she would tell Conan that she loved him. That she has loved him for years and years. First as a friend, when they were little and dressing up as characters from tv shows and playing their favourite scenes, when they got swimming classes together and had milkshakes with their moms after, when Mark pulled her hair on the playground and Conan punched him. But when they got older, her love for him matured. They had learned to surf together, read books together, went to parties together and slowly that platonic love turned romantic. At least it did for her. 

Sometimes their friends would joke around and tell them they'd make a cute couple, but he'd always laughed it off. Even their moms jokingly brought it up from time to time. But well, they'd been friends for years, and they both loved embarrassing their children from time to time. So they they'd both laughed it off then. But her mom probably knows, she always knows everything. She'd postponed telling Conan because, of course, she was scared. Who wouldn't? He was her best friend, neighbour, almost family, she could lose so much. 

But everything had changed when he told her he had found his dream job. In France.

And he was leaving tomorrow.

Conan

My mom let Emily inside as I was taking the ice cream out of the freezer. I could hear from the basement that it was her. The soft sound of her voice, her much louder laughs and the rhythm of her steps were forever imprinted in my mind. 

"Hi, Emily! You want some ice cream? I've got chocolate chip!" I already gave it to her, knowing she would never say no to chocolate chip ice cream. 

"Thanks", she smiled.

We went upstairs to hang out on the roof to watch the stars when it gets fully dark. We'd done this dozens of times before but somehow it felt weird, loaded with the knowledge of this being the last time in probably a very long time, and who knows, maybe the last time ever. 

We ate in silence, until she whispered "I'm gonna really miss these moments..." 

I smiled. I am excited to start on this new adventure, it's everything I've ever dreamed of but I'm not gonna lie, I know I will miss Emily a lot, probably even the most. 

"At least you can still get the good ice cream", I joked. I tried not to think too much about leaving her behind here.

She smiled. "It won't be the same without you though." 

"I'll miss you too Em." I sighed. Maybe it was time to face this goodbye.

She then mumbled something incomprehensively. 

"What did you say?" 

"Then don't! Don't miss me! Please! I don't want to be that far away from you Conan", she said all in one breath. When she finally breathed in, she held up a hand, showing she wasn't finished.

"I know I can't ask you to stay but you need to know I love you. I've loved you since pranking the surfing instructor, since you'd baked my favourite cake for my birthday, since we danced together on New Year's Eve. You've been my best friend my whole life, but something changed. And I can't tell you exactly when it happened. But it did. I've always admired your drive and kindness but somewhere along the way, I realised you are the most attractive guy I've ever met. Inside and out. When we're joking around outside on a warm summer evening and you look at me with that twinkle in your eyes, you take my breath away. And when you hug me, I can feel butterflies fighting to break free. So yeah ... uhm... I love you?" At the end of her rant, she looked at me, full of uncertainty. Probably because my mouth was hanging open.

Emily... loves me? Me? 

All those times people commented on our closeness I thought she was embarrassed, she always looked away quickly. But she was just shy? When Jake told me I should just tell her what I feel for her, I thought he was just tired of me talking about her all the time, but maybe he was right? I would've never risked our friendship, our families ... but now, there was not much too lose. That was true. And she had recognised that before I had even thought of it. I looked into her eyes and saw the reflection of hundreds of stars, and just as much hope. 

"Dance with me", I said. I took her hand and guided her to a slow waltz. When I put my hand on her back, I could hear her breathing hitch. We learned to waltz together in PE for the graduation school ball. At the time it made sense to go together since we both weren't dating anyone. We danced together most of the night, went to the afterparty together and when the night finally ended, we – not so soberly –biked home together. She smiled, probably thinking at that night as well. 

Meanwhile, I took a moment to collect my thoughts. As many times as I'd fantasised about something like this happening, it still seemed like I was just dreaming. I'd always known Emily was the one for me though. Even as a kid, I just knew that she was the girl I wanted to grow old with. I'd even asked her once when we were 6 if I could give her a kiss on the cheek. But she'd shrieked and yelled that "boys were dirty". I guess my ego took such a hard blow I'd never asked again and accepted that she would be my best friend then. Best friends can grow old together as well. As the ending of the dance was coming close, I slightly adjusted my grip and pulled her into a dip. When my face was just slightly hovering over hers I whispered, "I love you too, Em."

And then I kissed her. 

Time stopped as our lips brushed against each other. It was the softest touch but felt like a promise. She looked into my eyes with, wearing the biggest grin I'd ever seen on her face. Even bigger than when she got that pink glitter bike for her tenth birthday. I chuckled at the memory. Then I hugged her closely and sighed: "Emily". It was the only word that existed in my head right now.

And then she kissed me. 

Her kiss was not as soft as mine. It was passionate, urgent even. As we finally took a breath and looked in each other's eyes, worry suddenly came over me. 

"How is this gonna work Em? I don't know what to do! I'm leaving in the morning?" I practically pleaded. This all feels so surreal. Why did we wait so long? Does she expect me to stay? I know I shouldn't turn my back on such a great opportunity but, for Emily, I would. I know I would. 

"Shh, don't worry, we'll figure it out. We've known each other for so long, we will get through this! I mean – I can move! I can find a job anywhere. Well, maybe not tomorrow...", she laughed in between her rambling. "But I'm serious about this Conan, I'd follow you almost anywhere. If you want me to."

I could not believe my luck. "Of course I want that, I would love that!", I exclaimed.

Then she looked serious again. "Alright, now that that's out of the way. Where were we again? I believe you were kissing me?", she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

Who was I to deny her? So as the night went on, we looked at the stars, kissed and cuddled. And when the sun rose it was time for me to leave. We went back into the house still feeling fuzzy from our first real date. While Emily had breakfast, I packed the last things. We both shed a few tears saying goodbye but I do believe some of them were happy tears. 

This was only just the beginning, after all.