Literally Nothing

•4•

To you, whoever it may be.

I doubt I have the mental -no- the emotional ability to express how I individually feel about you, me.. everyone..us.

This will be my first time to admit that a lot is wrong with me, more than I let on.

I panic, I get anxious.

Sometimes I can't breathe and the walls start closing in.

Most of my quiet moments consist of me begging myself not to-

Not to make myself bleed.

Seeing as it would be the cure of the pain momentarily. But there's an emphasis on momentarily.

I've clocked out, but there's the heavy burden of everyone. Not on my shoulders, but in my heart.

Pushing everything that I feel- away, to be there for everyone else.

My heart hurts, it always hurts. But can I tell you this?

Can I tell you that the slightest things make my eyes water, or that I don't know how to speak; of the things I love and hate.

Do I tell you that I hate my body, my facial features, my voice..even my mind?

There's so much I can't say, and I choose the option of talking about anything and everything else.

Like your game, or your girlfriend, or anything that makes you happy.

I have done this for the longest time, so much so that I no longer have a personality.

It now depends on who you are.

I mirror you.

I lost the simplicity of my being somewhere, in a cloud of judging voices and the selfishness of you.

I doubt I make sense to anyone aside myself.

But, I think you can only understand if you feel that constant pang too.

(26/08/23)