then you flashed your green eyes at me || Charles Leclerc

chapter thirty-eight

*author's note*
Okay, with this chapter will start the storytelling of Alya's past. There's going to be trauma and emotional neglect/physical abuse (not in this chapter specifically, as it's only going to be mentioned, but in the next ones it could be more specific). I'm going to put ** as usual before and after the triggering parts, so that if you need to skip them you know where they are.
Remember you're loved, and if you need help there will always be someone ready to be your safe place. And as usual, if you need to talk I'm here. You can contact me through Wattpad or TikTok, I'll answer.
Be safe loves <3

-§-

"Here's your coffee" she said, putting the warm cup in front of him, on the small table in the living room. She sat in front of him on the couch, pulling the blanket on her body.

They had gotten home less than an hour before, soaking wet from the rain, and had decided to take a warm shower. She had lended him some clothes Lando had left to her house as spares, and then they had silently prepared the coffee.

Charles had hugged her from behind, leaning his chin on her shoulder as she was making the beverages. He hadn't let go till she had poured it in the cups and had turned around to bring them to the living room. At that point, he had stolen a small kiss from her lips and had ran to the couch, sat on it and waited for her to get there.

She still had a smile on her face.

"Okay" she sighed. "Are you comfortable? Do you need another pillow? Cause I can get you another pillow" she said, trying to get up. He put a hand on her arm.

"I don't need another pillow, I'm fine" he said. "If you need time you can just take it, no excuses needed" he said.

She nodded, taking deep breaths.

"I can do this"

"Yes you can" he smiled. "But remember you don't have to"

"Don't tell me that, I don't want to back down" she sighed. "Okay so, you know how Lando is my best friend?"

She was five. She was at the beach with her parents and she was sitting on the shore, trying to stay away from them as much as she could. She was wearing her favorite bathing suit, a blue whole piece that her mother had bought for her after hitting her for the first time. She had learned to behave how her parents wanted her to in any situation.

A kid had come up to her. He had light bright eyes, and he was wearing an orange bathing suit. He was holding something in his right hand, and he had sat beside her. She was lightly playing with the sand, trying not to use the wet sand to not get dirty. She knew it would have consequences.

"Hi" the little kid had said.

"Hi" she had replied.

"Why are you sad?"

"I'm not sad!"

"You look sad"

"Well, I'm not" she had defended herself. Then the kid had opened his right hand, revealing a small white seashell. Then he motioned her to take it. She looked at him confused.

"My mum says that if someone looks sad I should try to cheer them up" he smiled. "I don't have any money, but this seashell was beautiful and I thought it could cheer you up"

"Thank you" she had smiled.

"Do you know anything about karting?" he had asked.

"What's karting?" she was confused. She had never heard of it.

"It's a sport! You drive little cars around a circuit. I really like it" he said. "One day I'm going to be a Formula 1 driver, and I will drive grown up cars instead of go karts" he had said.

She had smiled, though she didn't really know what he was talking about.

"Is it okay if I talk about this?" he had asked. "My dad says that talking about something that makes me passionate and happy makes me shine a bit and helps people be a little happier too"

"You can talk about it" she had said. "Your parents seem wise" she had said.

"They are!" his smile had brightened up. "Aren't yours?"

"I don't know" she had said. "My parents don't talk much. They always have grown ups things to talk about and I'm too little to listen to them" she shrugged.

"My parents let me listen to them talking about grown up stuff. I don't understand anything, but I'm allowed to listen"

"How is it to listen to grown ups talk about grown up things?" she had asked curious.

"It's cool! But I don't know what grown up things they talk about"

"That's okay, I don't understand them either" she had smiled.

They had sat there for a long time, just talking about some of the hobbies they had. Then, they had played together with the sand.

"What's your name?" he had asked, bringing back from his parents' deck chairs a bucket and a scoop.

"Emma, what's yours?" she had asked curious.

"I'm Lando" he had smiled.

"Your name isn't Alya?" Charles asked shocked. She shook her head.

"Nope" she said. "My real name is Emma. I kept it as a middle name not to lose my entire identity, but I wanted a way out from my life. My last name isn't actually Ricciardi either, I had to change it for safety reasons. For the same reason I'm not gonna tell you what it was, just know that it's not the one I use"

"I suppose Lando knows this" he said softly.

"Yes" she replied. "And Max and Daniel and Kika as well. But only Lando knows what my last name was" He simply nodded.

"You said your mother had..hit you?" he whispered.

"Yeah.." she whispered back. "Not just her. My father as well" she said.

"I'm so sorry"

"It's okay, it was a long time ago now" she said. "Can I ask you to do something?"

"Anything"

"Don't feel sorry for me" she said. Before he could say anything, she kept talking. "I am going to tell you my story. And it's going to be sad, and probably a bit brutal. I'm going to tell you some of the worst episodes and sum up the most crucial and brutal ones, because I want you to know about my past, because I trust you. But if you feel sorry for me I might break down, and that is the last thing I need right now"

"I'm sorry, okay" he agreed.

"You can feel however you want, don't get me wrong. But don't tell me. Don't show it. I can't deal with your emotions if I'm dealing with mine. I know it's a shitty thing but this is hard and I've never done it alone before. When I told Max we were sharing experiences, when I told Daniel both Max and Lando were there. It's the first time I'm telling this story on my own. Be patient, okay? If I'm asking for too much don't hesitate and tell me, okay?"

"It's fine Lya I promise. Thank you for asking me this before saying other things. It's good to know. I'll keep it to myself, I promise" he said. "But you promise me that if you'll need to cry you will, please. I'm here to help you, I'm not just a passive listener. Let me care for you, okay?"

"I promise" she nodded. She took a sip of coffee and took a deep breath.

Then she started talking again.