then you flashed your green eyes at me || Charles Leclerc

chapter forty

*author's note*
This whole chapter is basically a trigger warning, I'll still put the ** but just know that it's a long one (and the last one I think, since I'm trying to contain the trauma)
Love you all <3

-§-

**

"When we were eleven, Lando started noticing that I would cover up my arms a lot. Even my throat sometimes. Not because I wanted to, it was my parents who had to cover up whatever marks they were leaving on my body" she scoffed. "He started talking about it with his parents, and they all started getting suspicious. Then one day we were playing hide and seek at his house, and I accidentally closed the door to the house supplies closet while hiding, not realizing it was a small space. I started screaming, begging for someone to open it for me. I seemed hysterical. I think that's what really triggered them, and let them realize that something wasn't quite right"

"What do you mean?" Charles asked, carefully.

"After that morning, just a few days later, I was supposed to meet up with Lando again. They were in my city for a karting race, and I wasn't showing up. We had an appointment for a few hours prior so that we could eat all together, but I was already probably half an hour late. And it wasn't something I would do on purpose, they knew it. I had been ranting about it for weeks, how excited I was and I had called them a lot to let them know. They knew I wanted to go." she smiled sadly. "That same day I had broken a glass. I didn't do it on purpose of course, I even cut my finger trying to clean it up. But my parents got angry and locked me in the small cabinet they always put me into when they were mad. I think they wanted to leave me there for a shorter time, but they lost sense of time. I think I've been in there for four or five full hours"

"They quite literally forgot me in there, cause it wasn't their habit to show people something was going on. They didn't tell Lando's parents I'd be late or anything like that, so they got suspicious" she said. "Cisca and Adam knew something was up. So they called the police, and they showed up at our door. I remember hearing them talk to my parents, there was even some yelling, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. I was feeling tired and sweaty and panicky, it was a miracle I hadn't fainted already. I started banging on the cabinet door as loud as I could with the little strength I had left"

Charles stopped breathing for a few seconds, as a tear left Alya's eye.

"I still remember Lando's face and his parents' face and the horror that even the police officers were feeling in that exact moment. And I remember how angry my parents were, how badly they were looking at me." she sniffed. "I remember how scared I was they would get mad at me and do something afterwards. But that afterwards never came"

**

"I woke up in a hospital room, I had a needle in my right arm and someone was holding my left hand from beside the bed. Everyone was saying how lucky I was for being still conscious and how brave I had been for still calling out for help." she cried. "But the truth is I wasn't brave and I wasn't lucky. I was scared and someone had the right intuition. And I was terrified of the consequences this 'braveness' they were talking about would've brought along."

She took the last sip of coffee from her cup, almost cold at this point, and pulled up the blanket to her shoulders.

"I saw my parents again two months later, in court. They were being supervised and I knew they couldn't do anything, but I remember how terrified I was. I was paralyzed, I couldn't move from my chair. My eyes were fixated on them, I couldn't look away without panic washing over me" her voice was shaking. "They were sentenced guilty, and brought to jail for at least ten years - which by the way are basically over now - and three different restrictive orders towards me for when they would've gotten out. I haven't seen them since." she said.

"That's one of the reasons why they suggested I would legally change my name and last name, so that I wouldn't be trackable. The fact is that with the whole Lando being famous and stuff, I'm afraid they might find me. I always carry with me the charges and sentences, both printed and as PDFs on my phone so that if there's anything happening, I can show the police. But I don't think I will ever see them again. I was never a priority." she said. "And I don't think they were being like that because they wanted to hit me, just to do it. I think they just didn't know how to parent and became neglecting and abusive. They didn't have interest in hurting me, they wanted to hurt whatever I represented."

"You're defending them" Charles whispered. "After everything they've done?"

"I'm not defending them" she said. She locked eyes with him. "I'm defending myself. If I ever let the fear of them finding me take over, I'll never be able to feel free. I've analysed and overanalyzed everything so many times, to find a reason. And I came to the conclusion I've never been considered important enough to be searched for again. Of course, they could blame their jail years on me. But so what? It's not like I did anything. My only fault has been surviving for so long. I don't care, I did. I excided every expectation I had for myself and I've made it so far, and I deserve some peace. I mean, I don't even know if they're still alive. Maybe they're dead, or they've done something while they were in jail and are now sentenced to life. I don't know, and I don't want to know. But I need to tell myself that I'll be fine, or I'll always live in the fear of not being able to live"

Charles nodded, opening his arms and embracing her as she snuggled in the hug. He stroke her hair, her back, her arms. He comforted her however he could think of.

He left a kiss on the top of her head, feeling her silently crying on his chest.

"I will never let anything bad happen to you" he whispered. They both tightened their grip around each other, knowing he meant those words. "I will protect you with whatever I can. I love you Alya"

"I love you too Charles" she mumbled in his chest. "Don't leave me, please"

"Never again" he said. "Never again."