Effeminate: Being Cared For

Reality check

On the chair she sat palms laid flat on her thighs her gaze on her shaking hands, she wanted to stabilise them—she didn’t like people knowing she was a nervous wreck from a month ago, had changed a bit and was more open.

She wished wholeheartedly.

Yet that was a lie, she didn’t feel socially ready—she was never a social butterfly—she wanted to be, change a bit in the good way she had these people around every Sunday for nearly a month, they never judged her even if they should have.

Just like everyone else, they all had a demon they were fighting—it was a safe space she wasn’t letting herself feel, nothing lasted forever—this would be over in a couple of months.

Attachment, she struggled with.

“It’s great seeing you again. I sort of missed a buddy last Sunday.”

The petite woman beside her spoke grabbing her attention, simply Sheen nodded with a smile. She wasn’t much talk but surprisingly the woman—who she had forgotten her name—liked her company, she was a friend in a way.

She didn’t always have to talk and she didn’t mind her silence just her listening was enough.

All she needed was someone to listen at everything she was saying even if it made no sense whatsoever—most time.

Not a second later the woman started a conversation with her at which she listened throwing a remark whenever necessary.

It had something to do with her child and a movie they had watched last night—she had never seen it but it felt confusing or maybe it was just how she explained it.

But she looked happy—she was smiling through out the whole conversation.

“Settle down.”

Taking her gaze off the woman she was staring at the direction the voice came from, and of course Sheen met those familiar set of dark brown eyes as hers met Sheen’s.

Not breaking contact

“It’s a pleasure to have you here Sheen.” she acknowledged with a light smile before taking a sit, analyzing the room she spoke again. “And you too, Theo.”

Avra Dupont, the social worker in charge of the support group for the past months—before Sheen joined them, she wasn’t a bad leader quite the opposite—she cared too much or in Sheen’s mind pitied her or them.

She refused to see it any other way.

She never took into consideration that all the attention or care Avra often showed her or anyone else wasn’t pity or that she wasn’t judging her.

She was here to help.

But that was always hard considering she had always found Avra staring at her intensity—she didn’t like staring her in the eyes and mainly why she hadn’t showed up last Sunday.

She felt like Avra was trying to dig deep into her soul each time—trying to make her talk about things more—to talk about everything she refused to share.

Sheen sighed staring at feet.

Just two hours and she could leave.

She didn’t die—not yet from the long boring session—she would definitely die from standing so long in the heat waiting on Mars.

The noon sun was burning hot and her choice of clothing wasn’t in her favour—a black long sleeved shirt and jeans but at least for once she wasn’t hiding herself in a large hoodie.

She watched every single person leave either by car or in a pair or group walking to the bus stop, eventually even the woman who sat beside her—Beth, she finally knew her name well from Avra calling her—had to go, it was just Sheen and the almost empty carpark.

One car—someone was still around.

“You’re still here.” staring at the direction the voice came she blankly stared at Avra—why did she have to stand so close to her. “Is something wrong?” she questioned staring into Sheen’s eyes.

Disagreeing with a head nod she looked away, staring at the other direction. “Waiting on a friend.” she mumbled crossing her hands.

“Is she coming?”

“I hope so.”

Pulling on the straps of her bag pack she spoke. “I could drop you off.” she offered genuinely. Sheen immediately looked over at her studying her appearance, she looked nervous? It wasn’t like her to be and her lips were pursed waiting on her reply.

The double honk grabbed her attention, a light smile and a short wave she walked away entering the car.

It was really useless for Avra to wave back, Sheen was long gone with the car.

Dropping her hand to her side she sighed. Taking in the scenery of the carpark she noticed how her car was the only one left—as always she was the last.