On Winter Fortnight

Part 10

I stare at them, tears of disbelief well in my eyes. I can't tell if I'm angry, happy, terrified. Everything, but the relief I had been expecting. Dad is wearing a suit, an unusual sight in itself, and is crouching in the entrance untying his freshly polished shoes. I've never seen him wearing anything fancy - he has work clothes, gardening clothes, nighttime clothes, and nothing in between. Mum has a new hairstyle, a tight bun with a black ribbon in it. She went straight to the kitchen and opened the fridge, not even a flicker of recognition towards me. She picks up the remnants of milk in the bottle and swirls it around thoughtfully. How a bottle of milk is getting more attention than her desperately confused daughter is beyond my comprehension.

Gwen and Audrey are also dressed nicely, definitely not in the pajamas they'd left in. Their matching red heels have been placed carefully into the shoe basket, a stark contrast to the sneakers and knitted slippers that usually go in there. They're chatting lightly, too quietly for me to hear although I can tell it's nothing of importance - with relaxed smiles, sparkling eyes, and begin walking towards the bathroom with their bare feet crunching gently on the worn carpet, so close they could be holding hands.

My eyes dart from person to person, waiting for someone to notice me. I lean one arm against the doorframe to stop myself from collapsing. My legs feel heavy, as though I'm struggling to wake myself from the deepest sleep paralysis as the world continues to revolve, while I am completely immobilised. I want to say something, but can't decide on the tone I want. Yash decides for me, as he stumbles into the doorframe and grabs my shoulder slightly too hard; steadying me or himself, I couldn't tell. 

"What.. the fuck!?"  He almost shouts. 

"Oh, Yash, long time no see old matey!" Dad replies happily as he finishes struggling with his laces and stands up. I stare into his eyes, trying to telepathically ask him for an explanation. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool; nice to see you and all that..." Yash mocks. "But I repeat, what the fuck?" 

Mum has heard and saunters back into the hallway with an empty box of tea in one hand, and greets Yash with pleasant surprise as well. My jaw drops and my throat creaks, an acidic gurgle swirls around my stomach but I compose myself enough to speak. 

"Where did you guys go? I've been so worried. The police have been involved! There are news articles about you all! Where did you go?" I take a huge breath, I want to seem more together than I feel. Yash hasn't let go of my shoulder, and exaggeratedly nods along with my words.  

"I really need a cuppa, have you hidden a new box of tea somewhere?" Says Mum, without even a flicker of acknowledgement. She holds the box out in my direction, as though I hadn't understood her question and showing me the empty box would help. It doesn't. "Mum. Look at me. Where have you been?" Her lips crinkle and her eyebrows lift, as though I'd asked her a tricky Trivial Pursuit question, but she doesn't answer. 

I had spent the last two weeks imagining their return; I'd leap into their arms as they hop out of a police car, happy tears would flow as we all hug and apologise. Cameras would flash, Wendy would be congratulated, and my family would have answers to my questions. The reality, though, is more disturbing than I could have imagined. It's like they were never gone, as though I saw them this morning and they couldn't care less if I was here or not. I hear one of the twins call out, "Muuum, where's my phone?" And that makes me furious. This doesn't feel like reality any more, and I need grounding. I need to show them how serious this is. I mumble to Yash; "I'm calling Wendy." He stays in the hallway, just kind of staring at the bizarre act of normalcy on display.

I pace back into my room and find my phone, while picking it up I can see my hand is quivering. I take a breath and close my eyes for just a second, hoping the darkness will calm my body before my mind can follow. When I open them, Dad is barging towards me silently. The silence is frightening, with his strong legs and little beer-belly I always know when he's moving around the house. His pace was so fast that his sudden stop right in front of me seemed more dramatic.

"What're you doing?" He drawls, slowly. 

"I'm calling the officer to fill her in, you know, because you all went MISSING." It doesn't feel like I'm talking to my dad. Right now, he is a stranger. 

"You don't need to do that." His inflection hasn't changed at all, with the strangest tone of voice that is equal parts as monotone as it is terrifying. 

"What are you talking about? People have been really worried. I need to start letting them know you're okay." I don't break eye contact at all, my face hurts from contorting it into exasperated confusion. "Actually, I think that you need to let them know you're okay. Not me. You. I've done my part." I hold out my phone towards him, and he glances at my shaking hand. I almost think he's about to take it, when Gwen and Audrey sprint past my bedroom doorway giggling. They were like two children playing tag, grabbing and tickling each other, eyes lit up with excitement. This breaks Dad out of his trance, and the edges of his lips curl to a smile as he walks back out of the door.