Silent Love [Watty Awards 2013 Finalist]

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 That day on the field, gave a new direction and purpose for my life. I had decided to live, and to let go.

 I walked into class, nervous as hell. Today was the day we have to recite our sonnets. Although, mine wasn't completely a perfect sonnet; it didn't rhyme.

  I had emailed it to Mr. Howard, if I could perform it in sign language, while Stephanie translated it. He agreed, telling me that it would be a lovely idea, seeing as the sonnet was about something we long for.

  I sat down in my seat, next to Stephanie, and looked over at her. I didn't want to be looked at as weird, but since everyone knew I didn't talk, Stephanie thought it would good to express what I had felt for so long. She thought they would understand. I wasn't so sure.

 "Alright class, who wants to start?" Mr. Howard said, as he addressed the class. 

I sunk in my seat, there was no way I was going first.

  "Stephanie thanks for volunteering! Are you doing yours or Taylor's?" He asked, and the class looked at me confused.

 "I'm doing Taylor's Sir," she replied and the turned to me. "Come on Tay."

 Reluctantly, I walked up to the front. I turned around and faced the class.

 I began to sign, when Brooke blurted, "What a freak!" 

The whole classed laughed, and I grew bright crimson. I was about to walk away when Mr. Howard calmed down the class. 

"Settle down, everyone. Brooke, you've lost twenty points. Anyone else want points taken away?" He asked, clearly upset with Brooke. 

The whole class shut up, and looked at me attentively. I started signing again, with no interruptions, and Stephanie began to speak for me. 

"Fear.

 Fear can hold you back from showing your full potential. It's a determining factor in whether you win or lose. They may say to "play every game like it was your last," but fear can hold you back from it. That's the thing, fear, as it may exist in everyone, the obsessed overcome it. Obsessed is just what the lazy and fearful use to describe the dedicated.

 The fear I possess though, is not one of winning or losing, but, the one that another person other than yourself can instill inside you. The one person who tells you that success is not coming your way. 

Success. 

Some people dream of success... while others wake up and work hard at it. Success is what happens when thousands of hours of practice meet up with one moment of opportunity-the opportunity I seized to claim.

  The mere fact that someone told me, not what I should, but what I couldn't do, defines me. I don't know how I let her have the power over me; I don't know how I let her win. But the fact that I did, has lead me on the path that I'm on.

 See, fear and success are two evils in one. While fear holds you back from success, success hinders your ability to fear what's next-proceed with caution.

 The ultimate decision is choosing the lesser of two evils; the one you deem you can handle for the rest of your life. You pick one and you stick with it. Then somewhere down the line you realize that wasn't the answer for you, worrying what your future will hold. But again you fail to comprehend that you can choose a different answer every time.

 Living. 

 Living held my fear and life held my success. That was the one thing I wanted to do; live. I perfected everything else in my life; I overcame every other fear. But to live and let go? Living was my fear and my success.