Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Sasha*
Sasha: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10
King Andrias, to Polly: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up!
Polly: *proceeds to kick him in the shin and run away*
Anne, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Polly cute or small.
King Andrias: How late were you up last night?
Anne & Wolfsbane, in tandem: Me?
King Andrias: No, not you two. You stay up late all the time.
Sasha: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to their chest*
Sprig: We have heart?
Sasha: Heart? No, bitch me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.
King Andrias, to Grime: You.
Sprig: Good morning.
Hop-pop: Good morning.
Anne: Good morning.
Wolfsbane: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.
Polly: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sprig: Wolfsbane's amazing at concentrating. Once they start reading, the only way they'll notice you is if you take their book away. Not even if you hit them or shake them!
Polly: That was them ignoring you.
Sasha: We'll find another route, it's not safe for amateur adventurers.
Polly: That sounds like a challenge.
Sasha: I have to stress, that is not a challenge.
Polly: ...Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted!
Sasha: There is no challenge!
Polly: You use emoji's like a straight person.
Sasha: That's literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.
Sasha: I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand!
Grime: King Andrias quivers before her!
Sasha: Fuck off you bitch!
Sasha, playing a video game: How do I play?
*Sasha has drawn first blood!*
*Sasha is on a killing spree!*
*Sasha is on a rampage!*
*Sasha is unstoppable!*
*Sasha is dominating!*
*Sasha is godlike!*
Sasha: Don't worry guys, I figured it out.
Grime: You're a loose cannon, King Andrias.
King Andrias: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Wolfsbane: I think you play by your own rules.
Sprig: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken.
Grime: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
King Andrias: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Darcy is a loose cannon.
Darcy: *smashes a chair* Aah! You shut your trap, King Andrias!
Hop-pop: I'd say Darcy's more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That's an entirely different thing.
Wolfsbane: Now I'm just confused. Is King Andrias a loose cannon or not?
Grime: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We're gonna get to the bottom of this.
King Andrias: *groans*
Darcy: Aw, man.
Sasha: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Wolfsbane: Literally or figuratively?
Sasha: I have to specify?
Sasha: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all?
Grime: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.
Wolfsbane: Hop-pop, what if there are monsters?
Hop-pop: Don't worry, we're top of the food chain.
Much later...
Wolfsbane, lying awake at night: I am the monster.
Sasha: But that's censorship.
Darcy: Well done. You are correct. You're being censored. Now go.
Sprig: Remember everyone, violence is never the answer.
King Andrias: You're right, Sprig.. Violence can't be the answer.
Sprig: Correct, King Andrias. Now, on to the next lesso-
King Andrias: Violence is the question.
King Andrias: And the answer is yes!
Sprig: King Andrias, no!!
YOU ARE READING
The Wolfsbane Soldier
FanfictionThis isn't my AU, I got inspired by a comic I found online What if the calamity box could control people who still have the gems power in them? AU by Freeble (@freeblephrog) on twitter
