Is this a Phanfic or real life? (Phan)

Things I never told you

I was just sat there staring at him for what was probably hours.   

The audible sounds during this time period were his breathing, and the beeping of whatever machines the doctors had him hooked up to.   

All I could do was hope that he'd be the same after this... And that we would be the same.   

Same as in bestfriends, like we were before this whole mess.   

Hmm... I have an idea.   

I remembered how Phil was reading the fanfiction about us, and that it was basically what started this whole issue.   

Honestly, I wanted to give it a chance because well... I want to be able to envision what it would be like if we were together.   

This was probably the best way to get a clear imagine of it into my mind. Plus, I most likely have a lot of time to kill, sadly.   

I pulled out my phone and opened the browser, typing in the name of the fanfic he was reading (yeah I glanced at the title and it stuck into my brain like a magnet).   

The first chapter was really like a real life scenario for us... We felt sort of alone and were beginning to crave romance.   

When I got to the part where we decided we would help each other out with no strings attached, basically, I found this bloody perfect as well because it was so obvious we would just end up in love at the end.   

Goddamn, why had I been such a fool? Exploding on Phil for reading what I wanted to become real life for us?  

I knew our fans were right all along when they said we were made for each other, but I didn't even want to admit that to myself. I especially didn't wanna admit it to Phil.   

Right now was the exact opposite though, as I would give anything in the world to tell him how I feel, and be with him.   

I reached out and took his hand, just like I did on the way to the hospital, admiring how it fit perfectly with mine.   

There were scabs, and gashes almost all the way up his arm. I sighed heavily, as this was obviously self-inflicted, and kissed his wrist softly.   

Please wake up Phil, please wake up.     

*Phil's POV*  

I could hear him sighing to himself, whispering hopelessly for me to 'wake up'.   

I felt the press of his icy lips to my cuts.   

What he didn't know, was that I am awake, and that I'm pretending to be out cold.   

Yeah I'm beaten and bruised, but I am conscious as to what's going on.   

And what's going on is him holding my hand. Him realizing what he's done, and seeming to be somewhat apologetic for it.   

I mean I guess I understand that he's sorry, and that he knows he's really messed up this time.   

But what on earth possessed him to hold my hand?  

I wasn't going to let go because well, I want to keep pretending I'm out for a while longer. I want to make him worry, and feel the pain that he's caused me.   

More importantly though, I'm not letting go because I've wanted this for so long. Yes, I mean Dan. A special bond with him. A relationship.   

Although I may not have came forward with my feelings for him, I do in fact love him. A whole lot.    I'm pretty sure it's obvious as to WHY I didn't tell him, as you know what's gone on between us.   

My eye began to itch like crazy, near the cut on my forehead. Like an idiot, I moved my arm to itch it without even thinking. Brilliant.   

"PHIL" Dan sprang up and exclaimed, scaring the piss out of me for half a second.   

"Ughhh" I groaned, rolling over to face the door in my hospital room, so I wasn't facing Dan.   

That didn't make a bit of a difference, however, because he just approached the other side of the bed to come talk to me.   

"Phil... Do you remember what happened?" He questioned, letting out a lengthily sigh.   

"Believe me Dan, you don't need to remind me" I said in a sarcastic tone.   

"Yeah I figured... But why Phil? Why did you do that? What the hell for?" Dan's voice was expressing the sorrow and guilt he felt inside.   

"Why would I not? I have nowhere to live now, you hate me, my friends will probably end up hating me, and even I hate myself. I'm worthless. There. That's exactly how I feel. I hope you're proud to have caused this, Dan." Well, at least I told him how I feel, I guess.   

"Phil, I'm sorry... Look, I need to tell you why I freaked out. I've never told anyone this before. So just listen to me." He pleaded.   

I nodded slowly, anticipating what it was that he was about to tell me. 

"Okay go on, I'm listening."  

"Right so Phil.." Dan took a deep breath. "Back when I was in high school, I never really had many girlfriends... I had 2, honestly. Neither of them lasted more than a couple weeks. It was pretty odd because well, I just wasn't into them. Don't get me wrong I mean, they were sweet and beautiful but just, it didn't feel right with them.  I had a close friend named Alex back in year 10... He understood me in every way possible, and was there with me through the best times and the worst. I felt for him like I've never felt for anyone before at that time.  One day we were just sitting and talking like always, and I made a move. I kissed him. I bloody kissed him.  He screamed with  horror and slapped me, called me a freak. That was the last I've ever heard of him.  Him and my dad had got on great too, as Alex  was his favorite of my friends. Well my dad ending up calling Alex one day randomly, and asked why he hasn't came over in a few months.  Alex explained the whole incident to my dad and well... Let's just say I ended up in hospital for a few days, and I had no place to live for a while...."   

Dan's eyes averted to the ground as tears cascaded from them.   

"D- Dan I... I had no idea that... I'm so sorry though. But wait a minute, does this mean you're-"  

"Gay?" He questioned immediately, obviously aware as to what I was getting at. "...Yes"  

"Oh..." Was all that I managed to say.   

So that's why he blew up on me... I mean wait. Does he love me? Was he afraid to be gay? Does he think I love him? I had so many questions.   

"Umm... So you were just afraid to admit to being gay after the incidents with your dad and Alex, or?" I think that pretty much summed up what I wanted to know right now... I'll ask about us later.   

"Yeah... And I'm such a fucking prick for taking it out on you like I did. I'm really sorry Phil. Please forgive me... I'll do anything." Dan begged.

He didn't have to beg though, a simple apology would've even sufficed. But ugh I just want his heart more than anything.   

"Dan it's okay. Trust me, I understand. And it's okay that you're gay, alright? That doesn't change my opinion of you either. But since you told me everything, I feel like there's something I need to tell you as well." I looked down at his hand, wishing I could grab it and pull him close, and kiss him like I've been longing to for ages.   

"What is it, Phil? You can tell me anything." He assured. I swear I saw a sparkle in his eye.  

"I'm uh... I'm gay too." I blushed. You have no idea how much I wanted to add 'and I'm in love with you' but I couldn't. I couldn't push all this on him at once.   

Dan just smiled.   

"Good." He whispered.   

I was so confused as to why he thought it was 'good'.   

He soon told me to go back to sleep, which I gladly did... I needed some rest before I went hopefully went back home tomorrow. I mean I probably could, as I think Dan and I are okay now.   

A billion thoughts zoomed through my brain as I drifted into a peaceful rest again, where I met my usual brown-eyed lover.