PALE FIRE

Les, I'm miserable

The faint sound of a familiar voice humming an old classical song filled the room the cold breeze causing goosebumps to rise on my skin "Hey sweetie, it's time to get up breakfast is ready" the familiar voice whispered and I could hear my blinds being drawn open the light peeked in through the windows making me force my eyes open "hey baby" my mom stood at the edge of the bed arms crossed with a soft smile stretched on her lips "good morning mama" I croaked stretching and rubbing at my eyes with the back of my hand, I was downstairs and there my dad was flipping pancakes while my mom watched him as she sipped on a cup of coffee then suddenly there was a tall figure that stood over my mom he had a blindfold to his eyes and a sickling smile etched on his face my skin crawled just looking at him "Skylar!" My mom screamed her eyes widened I was frozen at the spot as a dark liquid formed around my dad's head on the floor "help me sky" she whispered wide eyed there was something evident behind them... 'fear' tears welled up in my eyes as she sobbed "stop please don't hurt her"I croaked my voice coming out as barely a whisper I could make out their dark hooded eyes and a sickling moon crescent grin "over and over again you can't save them" the person teased with a laugh sending shivers down my spine I wanted to scream or even move but my feet was rooted to the floor my chest tightned as i struggled to breathe I watched as he grabbed her wrapping his hand tightly around her neck her feet dangling on the air as she struggled to free his hand the corners of her eyes crinkled smiling fondly at me tears trailing down her cheeks she stopped struggling and her eyes stayed fixated on mine looking lifeless and empty her face pale a scream trapped in my throat I tried to move or scream or do anything but I stayed rooted to the spot all I could do was watch as her body went limp my body shook with fear as my eyes watering "No please stop" I whispered
I can't scream... My lungs won't expand my breaths keep coming out in short gasps my chest feels too tight and my throat is closing up I'm trying to shout but I can't I can't stop wheezing trying desperately to breathe The effort is futile no one can hear me, no one would know that it's my fault that I'm dying or that there's a hole in my chest and there's so much blood everywhere and so much pain so much unbearable agony he walks towards me taking slow menacing steps
I can't... I can't... I can't breathe "It won't hurt I promise" he chuckled my whole body was shaking I wanted to run but my legs weren't moving... "Skylar...Skylar... Skylar!!!" I jerked up with a scream caught in my throat heaving in deep, harsh, and gasping breaths "It's okay...you're okay I'm here I'm here sweetie" someone kept whispering cradling me in their arms while stroking my hair and a hand rubbing soothing circles on my back "I'm not going anywhere sky... just breathe for me okay " Ryan croaked I could feel him shaking, tears rolled down from his face to my head as I struggled to control my tears someone held my hand our fingers intertwined together "I should get her a glass of water"Leroy mumbled his hair looked like he had ran his fingers through them a lot his eyes shut for few seconds taking a deep breath he left the room "Ryan..."I croaked feeling a tight knot in my chest "it was different this time I could feel her around me and dad he looked so real the picture is a little bit vivid in my mind"I choked back tears looking into his glossy eyes "he hurt them... and he was going to hurt me too and I couldn't do anything about it again I just stood there hopeless"I sobbed my hands clenching into fists "what could you have possibly done sky, I wish I could stop you from feeling like this I wish I could take away all the pain you're feeling" his eyes flickered with pain "it hasn't been this bad for a while and I just thought it stopped happening I didn't think maybe it would come back" He mumbled holding my hand in his "Sky...maybe you could talk to someone about this, I spoke to someone and...I don't have those sessions anymore"his eyes gleaming with hope my heart ached that he had been trying to help me when we were both hurting, he always had a selfless personality always putting me first and sometimes forgot to take care of himself, it kills me that he would go through any length to help me get past this while he barely talks about that day and what it did to him when he found me in that state and as I looked at him he was everything I wanted to be. How he could still smile and act like everything was fine I watched him stop doing the things that made him happy and put everything away to be there for me.
I wanted to ease him off his burdens to take away all the pain our past had scarred him with I tried to be there for him as much as he did for me but he was much stronger than I was I couldn't talk to anyone about it even if I tried I could only talk about it with him because it's a lot harder when it's not him " just promise me you'll think about it" he said the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled sadly I squeezed his hand nodding sofly holding him tightly his chin on my head in silence as someone cleared their throat Leroy's brow's furrowed as he studied me silently he was so quiet I didn't hear when he came in he had a glass of water in his hands and aspirin in the other hand he walked carefully towards me as Ryan let go off me letting me sit at the edge of my bed he silently handed me the pills and water his fingers brushing mine as his gaze bore into me the glass was cold as it touched my lips I took a large gulp before taking the pills "I'll go tell the boys you're fine now, we were on a call before I heard you screaming from upstairs I left them without an explanation" Ryan said his eyes looked tired as he kissed the top of my head before leaving us in the room "when did you start having them again" he whispered his forehead furrowed eyes boring into mine "after a couple of years they just came naturally"I muttered my eyes fixed on my fingers as I picked at the flesh around my nails "Sky I was scared as shit coming home to see you like that" his brown eyes held so much sincerity that for a second I would've believed he could take it all away "I'm fine Leroy bad dreams are part of life no need to act like my night in shining armor"I mustered a smile waving it off like I didn't just have a mental breakdown he stared at me his lips turning upwards giving me a sad smile "you don't have to pretend around me Sky, I'll always be able to see through your bullshit" he said reaching for my hand and giving it a small squeeze tugging at my heart i was struggling to maintain a straight face "some people are really good at hiding their emotions leroy"I whispered back with a smile "Good night, you don't have to babysit me I'm fine now"I chuckled as he tried to protest and suggested staying to keep me company "Ryan wouldn't be too overjoyed about that idea" I grinned as his eyes flickered with realization "I'll be downstairs if you get bored" he said shutting the door behind him as he left
I walked to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face my eyes were red and puffy my hair was a mess I sighed inwardly at my reflection in the mirror running my hand through my hair till I was satisfied I searched my socks drawer till I found my favorite pair of socks and changed out of my clothes into something more comfortable, I sat on the floor my legs folded underneath me as I opened my journal I ran my fingers over the words I wrote years ago for some reason writing in here after a long time made me anxious because I knew once I started writing I won't stop till everything is out of my system and with one last deep breath I poured myself into pages and pages of my journal and to me this was my therapy...

I'm sorry the updates are slower than usual I'll try to update as much as I can now ～⁠♡
Remember to tell me what you think about this chapter;⁠)
;