What's the meaning of life? Is it happiness? Is it love? Is it waking up and staring at the wall for five minutes? I don't know and I'm the worst person to ask.
-Sincerely, Lovely.
I WAS SCARED, TERRIFIED EVEN, so much has been changing and the world was constantly moving around me. I wasn't used to this change, I wasn't used to this life.
It felt like all my bubbles were blowing up as things change like I was suddenly outgrowing them and the longer they stretched the more holes they've got and eventually it'll deflate.
It's been a few days since I spoke to Lita and since then I have avoided that book like that plague and I repressed any "magic". I was convinced I was delusional and this was all a big joke that had suddenly become not so funny.
There was another get together today, but I hadn't wanted to go, so instead of responding to the group chat, I simply put my phone on Do Not Disturb to go on about my day.
My day consisted of just sulking around watching movies and getting up occasionally to use the bathroom. I just wanted a day to be numb again, I recognized the emptiness and welcomed it with open arms.
It was a world where I only had one person in my life and that was Jade, that was a world I was okay in. I had grown used to it. None of this was even a thought and not even a worry.
Somewhere along the way I had decided to take a bath allowing my limbs to just soak as I contemplated life the soft sounds of Hozier coming out of my speakers. I knew I was in a state of dissociation when I felt myself sway far to much and had to shake my self out of. I took at deep breath beginning to lower body further down to try to relax.
Lower. You'll be okay.
I need to talk to you.
I fully sink down and soon my entire body is emerged underwater and I feel at peace.
The peace I felt had me yearning for more as the pitch black I was sitting in suddenly felt a little less lonely. I wondered where the peace had gone.
"I won't hurt you, I just want to talk." The person in the room with me tells me and I begin to recognize the voice. I turn around in the darkness and am faced with a person, this person who looked a lot like my aunt.
