𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇

a bitter feeling

Camila

Chase's words made my chest hurt. Maybe not what he had just said but how he did it. His tone, that came carried with anger.

Of course I was going! I was going to check on him. He wouldn't get drunk tonight, not with me watching! I hated this! I hated him for what he was doing to himself! I know he's hurting and I know that's how he thinks he erases the pain, but it's not! He is a great kid, with a bright future, he can't lost himself like that! And I hated myself- I hated myself for not being able to stop it. I just wish he'd let us help him. I just wish he would talk to us, that he wouldn't keep everything to himself or repress his feelings and take them out on alcohol.

I thought that if I spoke to him he would listen to me, but it turns out I no longer have the effect on him that I thought I did. I just wanted him to realize that I care. That there are people who care about him and that he's not alone.

It wasn't long before the boys walked away. It was only me and Emma now. She touched my shoulder, comforting me. I didn't have to say a word for her to notice that all this situation was concerning me. My silence was enough for her to understand.

"He didn't mean it! You know it!"

"Sure, I know!" - I said, sighing.

"It's his way of mourning. You have to give him time. He'll listen to you eventually, he's just not ready to face his feelings yet, Cam."

I nodded in agreement, pressing my lips against each other, trying to hide the agony. I didn't want to make this all about me. Although it affected me, it was Chase's pain. He was the one who needed to be held.

"I talked to my father!" - I said, changing subjects.

Don't get me wrong, Emma is the kindest and most emphatic person ever. She would listen to your problems and truly care about how you feel. She would sit with you, put on your shoes, and only let you go when she knew she did everything she could to help you. And she would always, always give the best and most honest advice! But I knew that if I let her get any deeper into the conversation she would touch wounds that would make me cry and I'd have to admit things I'm not prepared for. Why does this situation make me so fragile?

"You did! That's awesome!" - she jumped in excitement, bringing me back to reality.

A bitter feeling grew through my chest. I knew that my next words would let her down.

"Well, not really! He didn't give in!" - I admitted, not being able to hide my expression anymore and making her notice my annoyed look.

"Oh!" - I could feel the disappointment in her voice but Emma had this thing about not wanting to show others when something makes her upset for fear that they'll be upset with her, so she put on a fake smile straight away - "That's okay, Cam! You go every time! It will be just this once!"

"I promise I'll come round as soon as dinner's over, or I'll call you, or I'll meet you at your place, either way, I want to know how it went. You better tell me everything afterwards! I won't lift a finger to go to Chase's party until I know all the details!"

We both laughed and went to class!

My parents were divorced! If I had little to no contact with my father's family before it happened you can imagine now that I spend most of my time with my mum! That's why my dad wouldn't let me go to Emma's concert: he had arranged a dinner with my grandparents for tonight. It sucked, I really wanted to be there for Emie.