𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇

obliviate

Emma

"All my mornings are Mondays stuck on an endless February", Taylor Swift Fortnight was being played from a vinyl record on the record player situated on my nightstand, as I tried to gain the strength to move my body and finally leave what had been my asylum for the past three days.

We were at the end of April, but the words echoing in the air mirrored my emotions perfectly, because once my alarm clock rang this morning, I felt all the melancholic despair and sorrow of February, being thrown at me.

Rolling on the covers, I stuffed my face on the white cotton fabric pillow, wishing I could emerge myself on it and never leave this room or go back to reality again. Sometimes, I wish I could just run away from it all: from the monotony of life, from the draining routines and the suffocating circumstances, and for a moment, just breathe. Slow down and, truly, breathe. Detach myself from what others think, free myself from the chains I tied to my feet. Dare to contemplate the path that is unconsciously expected of me, that I have unwittingly traced. Dare to question it. Redirecting it.

But right now, my main wish was to run away from the people around me.
The truth is I had momentarily escaped real life during the weekend: I had refused to leave my bedroom and succeeded in avoiding any social interactions, mainly because Mum and Dad weren't home until Sunday evening and luckily for me, I was left to my own company. Of course, avoiding my socials and not acknowledging the attempts of Damian to communicate with me, had played an important role in it as well. God, even to Camila I had barely spoken.

I wasn't proud of it. I wasn't proud of it one bit. I had ignored mine and others' existence for two entire days, but I somehow needed it. I needed to just not think and to think of it all at the same time. I needed to be alone, to shut my head and try to find a way to get back to the chaos. I needed to find a way to somehow breathe when immersed in it.
Because two days later, it was time to face it all again.

The moment I walked through the school gate, everything would be brought to the surface: the humiliating stares, the whispers, the misery and distress lingering in the air. The discomfort. Nico. Lexi Clemonte. The whole mess of Friday's night events. Constantly on replay in my mind like a broken music tape.
Because even though I tried to erase Friday night from reality by avoiding the world, I couldn't erase it from my memory, even if I tried.

I remember faithfully entering that house, surrounded by a strange sense of security, somehow brought by the conversation Damian and I had shared in the car. I remember leaving it fully convinced I could trust him, fully convinced everything would be okay.
We met Chase and the night was perfectly normal, until the moment I decided it would be a good idea to leave the two of them alone to talk and step on a giant house I'd never been to before.
When I entered the door, I was met with an enormous crowd of people, which I somehow found a way through after many bumps and almost being dragged to the floor, constantly.

"Ugh! For God's sake! Watch out, will you?", a familiar voice shouted from behind me, after I had bumped into someone's back, accidentally.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-", I turned in their direction, in an attempt to apologize, when my eyes found no one but Lexi Clemonte right in front of me. She looked down at me with disdain and let out a sarcastic laugh before turning to her friend Jade, "Look if it isn't the smart one!", she acknowledged, with what I could only describe as a hostile smile.
Not in the mood to talk to them, I continued my path, but as soon as I turned my back, I was met with her voice again. "You know, it was a surprise indeed seeing you arrive here with Damian, Smartie. But be careful, life can turn its surprises on you."

Now, the big problem Lexi Clemonte had with me was that she always failed in her attempts to fight with me. I'd never given her the opportunity to, and God, she needed to drive me to exhaustion to succeed and get me involved in an argument.
So, she went to the next best thing. She talked shit and she spread false rumors and misinformation involving my name.