When The Tiger Lilies Bloom | Taekook

26. Love Me Again

"I love you"

Jungkook was listening to it. Not the first time in his life but this time,  something churned inside his system and he wished to cover his ears and shut his senses from the realization. What's funny is that he didn't want to be loved. 

He didn't want to be the person having no feelings to reciprocate to Taehyung. He wanted Taehyung to love someone else, someone who could love him in real and someone who would respect his love. Jungkook was not right and deserving of whatever feeling Taehyung had for him.

"Taehyung, I don't think--"

"You don't have to do anything with it, Jungkook. I love you because I want to. I want to keep loving you until the end of time, until the day I can. But I'm not someone who would force you out of your feelings for me... which I know does not even exist."

The soft touch of his thump on the teardrop falling from Taehyung's red puffy eyes would be the answer Jungkook wanted Taehyung to listen to. He didn't want Taehyung to be sad, or cry over him. Taehyung just doesn't deserve any sorrow in this world. 

Jungkook kept telling it himself but he didn't know what to do any further to sort the things between them. 

"I know you consider me as a good friend and that's the biggest thing I can have from you. It's okay, Jungkook. I'll just leave and..."

"Can we be friends again?"

Jungkook wanted to ask but it was too selfish knowing that Taehyung always wanted more of it and he couldn't give it to him. It was no one's fault and Jungkook was not ready to break it all off with Taehyung, whom he felt was a genuine friendship other than Yoongi. 

That being said, he didn't know what else he could say to make Taehyung stay. When he snapped out of it, Taehyung was already moving away from him, and the lack of warmth from Taehyung's side made him go feral and he didn't want that. Jungkook was not ready for that. 

"Don't worry. Nothing will change between us and you'll always be my bunny friend and---"

"I don't deserve you, Taehyung. You're just... way too high and I can't even wish for someone as good as you."

"You do. You have your lover, and I'm certainly sure that he's more than just good and way more amazing than me. Because that's why he has you."

Taehyung suppressed the urge to break down. Because he doesn't have Jungkook, the reply from the younger made him break even more and there was the wound again, cutting deep into his heart. 

"I don't have him, though."

"What?"

"It's just him that has me. I don't have my lover with me. And, that's why, probably, I can feel your pain better than anyone. 

I wished no one could ever feel it, I wished for no one to ever go through it yet, here we are..."

Taehyung couldn't stand there anymore. He could not even breathe when Jungkook was looking at him with red-broken eyes, pain-filled to the brim and he could read the longing for his lover just like Taehyung had his own eyes filled with everything towards Jungkook that was inexplicable with words. 

He knew it was the worst feeling ever and just like Jungkook said, he too wanted no one to go through with it, and it broke everything in him to know that they both were on the same boat, standing under the same rain with no roof over their head to save them from drowning more. 

Unknowingly, he clutched his heart. What Jungkook's eyes conveyed, Taehyung knew it was the same as in his own eyes and he was sure, Jungkook could see it too. He was always too easy to read, especially for the younger. With a deep inhale, Taehyung decided it was his time to leave.  He didn't know what could possibly happen if he stayed a little longer there, belonging to the love and pain Jungkook's eyes conveyed and not having the cure to heal it. 

"I wish I could help you have your lover"

Taehyung whispered softly, but the reply from Jungkook was what made his breath hitch.

"I wish I could say the same for you, but-- I'm really sorry, Taehyung"

"No, you're not, Jungkook. You don't even know why you're saying sorry now. It's none of our fault so just... forget about it, okay? and I'll try to forget about us..."

Taehyung didn't want to. Though he couldn't have Jungkook, he didn't want to forget anything about them. He wanted to keep it as a fresh memory that would bring him the pain of a lover every time he would reminisce.  

Taehyung loves Jungkook with his dear heart and that's his truth. He would never like to run away from it, in fact, he would seize the memories of it as long as he could, as deep as he could. 

"I can't promise about forgetting you, Taehyung. But, I guess this is my cue to leave. I'll not be around---"

"Can I hug you one last time?"

The tears in his eyes hurt more than enough when he held it back. He wanted to let it out, he wanted it to flow through his cheeks and land on the open wounds, feel the salt rubbing over it. 

He wished Jungkook to say no, but at the same time, he wanted it to be yes. When the other male hesitated, Taehyung was snapped back to the reality of them parting their ways without a goodbye.

"Is that necessary, Tae? It will only hurt you more"

This- Taehyung wanted to say, this was the thing that was hurting him more. Even at that moment, Jungkook was thinking about him and the pain he would have to go through, and Taehyung, like a fool, told himself he would get over Jungkook- this Jungkook. 

"For the last time..."

Jungkook didn't let him complete this time, hands wrapped around Taehyung's shaking figure and inhaled deeply, as if memorizing Taehyung and his every inch, from top to bottom. 

Taehyung on the other hand, felt like he was still in a dream, too happy to cry out loud, too deep to breathe for air, and, down too bad for Jungkook and his love. Everything around him felt clouded, soft, and blurred, like a delusion. 

There was no pain, no hurt, or no heartbreak. It was good to hide in Jungkook's arms. He was afraid that he might become greedy and would want it to be like this forever. 

A soft kiss was planted on the crown of his head by Jungkook and Taehyung knew it was the closure they both needed. It was like sealing the wound. And then, they both pulled away from each other, their grip became loose and steps faltered as they separated. 

Taehyung wiped his cheeks fast and tried his best to plaster a smile on his lips as he looked at Jungkook, surprised to know the expressions they conveyed were mutual.

"Goodbye, Jungkook"

Taehyung whispered, heartbeat now feeling at ease, no pain reaching him, instead he felt good at the thought of walking away. 

"Goodbye, Taehyung"

That's it. It ends there. 

Jungkook sees Taehyung falling out of love- falling out of him. 

Taehyung feels Jungkook embracing his lover- the lover who is not him. 

~🍂~

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I bet you've never read a confession like this. Lemme know your thoughts on the comments.

We will meet soon...

~AnecdotesOfABroken