What are real feelings? How do we know if it's an actual feeling? How do we decide if we want to feel that feeling or not? Is it good or is it bad?...
Too many questions for nothing. I can't answer them, I just want to feel. Or so I think. It is making me mad, but it keeps me going. I am overwhelmed by it, but I kind of enjoy this. Nothing changed, or something changed? Same feeling scares you and tempts you to visualize how it would be, but you do nothing about it. Safety is wise, regretting hurts. Which one to choose besides waiting? Time passes. Feelings stay? Terrified. Will the presence make me lose control of my balance, make me shake, and increase my heartbeat? It is something I feel? Is it just the thought that manipulates my heart? Visualizing, fantasizing about what could happen next. Can't control it.
Even crying doesn't help. Being wrong would make me cry. I am scared to be wrong about this. I am scared of feeling this way alone. I am scared to find out, to try. Would it make me finally happy? Or was this the 'happiness' I expected? Why doesn't it make me happy tho? Can I perceive happiness when it comes to me being myself?
Was I happy when he told me that he loves me? Maybe the time stopped In my head for a moment. That would have been the outcome I was waiting for. NEVERENDING.
A process that can't be stopped. How am I supposed to live my own life when I have already imagined and analyzed multiple scenarios with multiple outcomes? Unexpected for me is still expected. Why does it always have to be like this? Trying to understand feelings when you're not the one experiencing them, is this possible? Can feelings be the same for two people?
One thing I seem to know: 'Love is not the same'. It can transform itself into loneliness, a burden, the dust that you have to get rid off in order to see the title. A title that all of us would want to be able to see: 'How does true happiness feel like?'.
Always the worst time to act in the way, that you've thought would give you peace, comes up. If you are empathic, it modifies everything. You start blaming yourself for what other people feel. Can we actually create feelings for others? Make other feel in certain ways? Do people think before they feel, or do they feel before thinking?
Why are we taught to think before we speak up? Probably this creates the difficulties to verbally express our feelings. Anxious. Do I actually speak about my feelings? Is it true when you explain them? For me is enough to feel, to know what you feel. Is this from the heart or the brain?
