Me Sasquatch

Sasquatch here. I wanna tell people what Sasquatch like and don’t like because people misunderstand Sasquatch. Sasquatch don’t like when people call Sasquatch Yeti. Sasquatch is not Yeti. Sasquatch is Sasquatch. Maybe almost same but not same. Like Guatamalan is maybe almost same as Mexican but not the same. Or Chinese almost same as Japanese but not the same. Sasquatch is like Mexican Japanese. Yeti is like Guatamalan Chinese.

Sasquatch don’t like when people take poopoo in Sasquatch house. People camping in woods think cave is cave but cave is Sasquatch house. They poop in cave for me not know why. Maybe they think cave is better to poop in then outside. Me think poopoo is better to drop in woods and fertilize soil. The pretty flowers grow from soil made of poopoo. Sasquatch think home people live in is just ugly box but people not like if Sasquatch poop in people’s house box. Why people want to live in box? Me not know. Sasquatch like cave. But not cave full of poopoo.

Sasquatch like fried chicken. Sometimes campers bring fried chicken when camping. Chicken smell fills forest and make Sasquatch very hungry. Sasquatch went on chicken stealing rampage last summer but gained lots of weight. Other Sasquatch call me Fatquatch. Me not like being called Fatquatch. But me like fried chicken.

Me not understand why people afraid of Sasquatch. Sasquatch is nice Sasquatch. Except last summer during my fried chicken stealing rampage then Sasquatch was like fried chicken addict and not nice Sasquatch. But otherwise very nice. People call Sasquatch hairy. Me fuzzy not hairy. Sasquatch has fuzzy like baby kitten. People love baby kitten. People call baby kitten cute and fuzzy. Sasquatch want to be cute and fuzzy too. Sasquatch and baby kitten together make cutest couple ever me thinks.

People also call Sasquatch Big Feet. Sasquatch generally 7 feet 8 inches tall. For Sasquatch the size of feet is normal for size of Sasquatch. Me thinks it weirder if Sasquatch was 7 feet 8 inches tall and wore size 9. Sasquatch does not have Big Feet. Me thinks people should call Sasquatch, “Normal Feet for Sasquatch this size which is normal”.

Sasquatch like writing. Sasquatch learn to read and write by reading nature books and survival manuals taken from dead hikers in the forest. Sasquatch want to make clear Sasquatch did not kill hikers. Nature killed hikers…and stupid hikers not knowing nature is reason them are to be dead. Sasquatch laugh thinking about first time he find dead hikers and take survival book. At time Sasquatch not know it was survival book but later when Sasquatch figure out it was survival book Sasquatch laugh at irony. Sasquatch think either book must be shit or hikers brains be.

Sasquatch write love poem to Lady Sasquatch. Poem go like this:

Me Sasquatch.

Not Fatquatch.

Sasquatch like fried chicken.

Me want Lady Sasquatch to stick my dick in.

Lady Sasquatch run away crying. Sasquatch not understand Lady Sasquatch. Sister Sasquatch call me Assquatch. Me not Assquatch. Me Sasquatch.

Sasquatch want to leave forest sometimes. Sasquatch want to travel. Maybe go to Himilayas and hang out with Yeti. Yeti send me e-mail one time with photos of him making abominable snowmen and eating flavoured ice. Sasquatch in forest only play with wood. Wood is fun but sometimes gets boring. Sasquatch want to make abominable snowmen and eat ice too.

Sasquatch try to write another love poem for Lady Sasquatch. Poem go like this:

Me Sasquatch.

Not Assquatch.

Me want to travel and eat shaved ice.

Also like to eat Lady Sasquatch p**sy would be nice.

Lady Sasquatch cry even harder and yell at Sasquatch to never speak to her again. Sister Sasquatch call Sasquatch Crapquatch. Me not Crapquatch. Me Sasquatch.

Sasquatch think he should just get kitten. Make cutest couple ever.