Basket (C)Ace

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A/N: Hello all! I just want to preface this fic by saying that this is a spin-off of my mini-fic "Bleed Your Heart Out". While you can probably understand this fic without reading it, I do suggest you start there--or at least read Chapter 11 of that fic, which is the most relevant to this one.

A few trigger warnings, this chapter contains the following: panic attacks, Asexual trauma, implications of past emotional abuse, mental instability, self-deprecation, brief suicidal ideation, mention of past dubious consent, and talk of death and violence.

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It had been a week since Gabe died.

Since Nolan killed him.

That night was still crystal clear in Nolan's mind, like he hadn't slept—hadn't even blinked—since it happened. He remembered the horror deep in his stomach as he watched Liam, Corey, and Theo slowly breathe in Wolfsbane-laced air from his place in the observation room, stuck watching them as they came closer and closer to dying. He remembered the burning, itching, skin-tingling feel of Gabe's touch on his shoulder as the boy whispered that they needed to just let it happen. He remembered the horror at realizing that Gabe... Gabe was using him—that Gabe was a monster. He remembered the way Gabe's fingers felt against his throat, the way Gabe looked at him like Nolan was nothing but prey—nothing but a problem to be snuffed out. ... He remembered the sickening scent of blood overwhelming his senses, remembered the feel of it against his face as blood trickled down from Gabe's slit throat. He remembered Gabe's body collapsing limply—lifelessly—against him.

Gabe's death had felt good, in the moment. Had felt... freeing. Nolan saved Liam and his friends. He stood up for himself. He got out of that toxic situation. At the time, all of that had him feeling brave—powerful.

He hadn't truly considered the aftermath of it all: how every single hunter in town would view him as enemy number one after killing one of their own and betraying them; how he wouldn't be able to walk out of the McCall house without at least one pair of eyes on him like he were prey; how he'd be back to his old self now that Gabe was gone—the old Nolan that everyone hated.

... That he hated.

There was something gnawing at him deep inside that couldn't help but wonder if Gabe was right... Maybe no one would want him, now that Gabe was gone. Maybe he was destined to wander the Earth alone.

Nolan wasn't completely alone, of course; he had the McCall pack by his side, at least one member of the pack by him at all times. Normally, it was what Scott called the 'Puppy Pack'—Liam, Mason, and Corey at his side during the entire school day, and often after class when they all would go to Liam's to discuss the hunter/Anukite problem. Occasionally Theo would join them, hanging out in the back, more like a shadow in the background than an actual person. Nolan would eat lunch with them, or study, and at times it felt like they were really friends: they shared laughs and stories, and there were times when Mason or Liam would pat him on the back or squeeze his shoulder. It was easy, in those minutes, to feel accepted. Like he belonged.

It wasn't lost on him, however, that none of them would be anywhere near him if they didn't have to be. If their Alpha didn't tell them to always keep an eye on him, they wouldn't bother to even look in his general direction let alone actually hang out with him. He had hurt them, after all—had stabbed Corey, and beaten up Liam.

He didn't belong. He knew that.

In a way, Nolan felt more like a burden than anything else—just one more thing the Pack had to worry about when they were already in the middle of a literal war. They were all babysitting him when they could've been out stopping Monroe or finding the Anukite.