REBEL

4. ONYX BLACK

TW: Please skip the italics (flashback) at the beginning of the chapter if you don't want to read descriptions of sexual assault/violence/rape.

***

4. ONYX BLACK

Greedy fingertips graze the skin just below my ribcage. Rough hands push my knees apart. A monster's body steps between my legs.

I know what the monster is up to because it's not the first time. But as awful as it was every single time and will certainly be again, right now it's secondary. All my attention is on the hand holding my head in place.

More often than not they do it together. One takes what he wants while the other makes sure I am unable to move. My wrists and ankles are already sore from the magical shackles, but that's not enough for them. They want to humiliate me. Want to show me where my place is. Always down. Completely defenseless.

The hand on my jaw tightens its grip and I whimper. An index and a middle finger make their ruthless way past my lips, between my teeth, onto my tongue. Instantly, I have to gag. The pressure of the thumb and ring finger of the same hand on my jaw joint forces me to tilt my head back. I stare at the ceiling, but my vision is oddly blurred. I am crying.

"Who knew the Mudblood would feel so good," Scabior purrs, his fingers curling in my mouth.

Greyback grunts in agreement.

I'm sure he's already inside me, but I don't even feel it. I've perfected disregarding that specific sensation. It's much worse that his hands are now wandering over my body too. Sometimes he grabs my thighs, sometimes my hips.

He thrusts into me and my head scrapes against the metal of the table. Scabior's fingers slide even deeper into my mouth. His other hand finds my breast.

I feel like I can't breathe anymore.

With a gasp, I start up from my sleep, my heart racing. In an attempt to calm it down, I press a hand to my chest. My skin tingles as if the fingers I was dreaming about had actually touched me. I quickly scan the room, but of course there's no one there.

The scene from my dream is indeed a real memory, albeit more than seven years old. Realizing this, I relax and sink back into the pillows, panting heavily.

When will it stop? Probably never. At least not while the two monsters are still on the loose. At the thought, my hands clench into fists.

Greyback and Scabior. Two people whose names I no longer say if I can avoid it, but who are all the more present in my head. In a sense, the Resistance even owes its existence to them, because I doubt I would have worked so hard for it if they hadn't made me their private whore. But the price I paid for it and still pay to this day is high.

I close my eyes and sigh in resignation. As so often, my night is over. I never manage to go back to sleep after dreams like this because I'm too scared of them coming back. So I swing my legs out of bed and drag myself into the shower.

I'll have to ask Harry to get me a Dreamless Sleep Potion from Luna, because she won't give me another dose, I'm sure of it. I already used up my monthly ration in the first week of July.

***

I actually forgot to ask Harry about the potion. Not only because he told me that two of our villages were attacked last night, but also because Malfoy entered the room shortly afterwards.

He irritated me for several reasons, and I'm not sure which is the worst: that the charcoal grey of our workout clothes nicely accentuates his eyes, that the casual sauntering that provokes me so much seems to be his only way of walking, or that he completely ignored me and only looked at Harry.