REBEL

14. MIDNIGHT BLACK - COAL BLACK

14. MIDNIGHT BLACK - COAL BLACK

"I was there!"

Malfoy's rueful, almost desperate-sounding exclamation catches me completely off guard.

When I rode the lift up to the roof of St Mungo's a good hour ago, I was firmly convinced that there were only two ways this day could end: either with sex or with Malfoy not turning up at all, as my assumption that he hangs around on the roof every bloody night was a total shot in the dark. Well, surprise: neither of these two possibilities materialized. He did turn up at some point, but I very much doubt we'll be shagging any time soon.

The turn our encounter took after Malfoy actually ordered me off the roof edge was something I could never have predicted, because I didn't even consider a third possibility. I simply didn't expect him to once again confront me with the fact that I no longer wanted him as a partner. (Persistent git.) And even less did I expect the kind of 'conversation' that developed from it. Namely the final clarification of the issue as to why he was supposedly in my debt.

I was there.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? He's not referring to the day at the Manor when Bellatrix scarred me for life, he's already said that much, and I could certainly remember if he'd ever shown up in the dungeon where Greyback and Scabior had kept me locked up throughout my captivity, no matter what state I was in at the time. Unless...

"During the Battle of Hogwarts I hid behind a suit of armor in one of the downstairs corridors because I simply didn't know what to do," he begins, his voice suddenly sounding strangely hoarse. "Greyback and Scabior had just walked past me when you appeared. I didn't think anything of it, so I just did nothing. I didn't stop you, I didn't warn you. It's my fault all these bad things happened to you, Granger. Fuck. When we're out there together, I don't want your sympathy, let alone your protection, because, Merlin knows, I don't deserve any of it."

Speechless, I watch Malfoy tear his hair.

I've rarely seen him so upset. He may not have Occluded himself since he's been at Resistance headquarters, but he's always been in control — a quality I've cursed him for repeatedly and envied at least as often over the past few weeks. The fact that he's now so visibly struggling with himself leads me to believe that he's telling the truth.

The cogs in my head turn much more slowly than I'm used to. Then I have a terrible thought that instantly makes me feel sick.

"You were there?" I ask breathlessly, but suppress the impulse to back away from him suspiciously. First of all, I need more information. "Did you know? Did they tell you they were holding me captive?"

Malfoy's eyes widen in shock.

"No," he affirms, raising his hands placatingly. "I didn't know until Potter told me, I swear. Only then did I remember. Only then did I draw the connection."

My hands clench into fists as I run his words through my head. They make perfect sense if you consider solely the timeline of events, after all, he only mentioned his 'guilt' to me after I had already killed Scabior; after Harry had revealed to him why I freaked out in the first place. So it's not unreasonable that that was when Malfoy put two and two together for the first time.

I realize that I believe him, but somehow that doesn't make it any better. I should probably be glad that my captivity wasn't just another thing he accepted without protest, and yet I feel betrayed. A few seconds later I understand what the reason is: injured pride.

Bugger, I really thought it was about me. That he offered his help to do the right thing. To gain my trust, to impress me, to spend more time with me. Something like that. But no. Once again, he was thinking only of himself. He probably just wanted to sleep peacefully for a change.