When you're gay, you're gay

Chpt 1

It was September when Roman left Georgia on their doorstep in Tennessee, tears streaming down her face, begging him not to leave her.

There was nothing wrong with Georgia, she was beautiful, the kind of woman that has every man hit on when she went out, and met every basic standard a wife should. But Roman couldn't stand her.

The way his name rolled off her tongue and out of her lips like a song on the radio pouring out perfectly from a car radio, the way her arm would drag down his before bed, and the way she tasted. The mint and honey sticking to his lips all day until the work day ended, it was a ridiculous thing to complain about. Why marry someone you don't love, or can barely look at?

There were no words that could explain or justify what went through his head while pursuing her, and there were also none to explain why he didn't feel a click with her for the 5 years they were together through college. But one day it hit him, a year into his marriage when it left his lips.

"My wife..." And the there was a long silence in the conversation he had been having silently dreading the moment he'd return home and find her sitting on the floral arm chair in the living room, the evening light hitting her so perfectly that she looked like an and the smell of a perfectly cooked dinner wafting through the house. He definitely couldn't handle the thought of another night sleeping in the same bed wth her, black curls sprawled across his chest in a messy fashion and the slight content smile that rested on her lips. All of it drove him crazy.

The cookie cutter life that he never ever asked for. Or wanted.

But he knew how to put on a brave face through it. The tears that had poured down his face on his wedding day was not of excitement or love but pure and utter horror of the rest of his life. He stole his vows online from a post he had saw years ago on a social media page long forgotten.

He was good at rehearsing the "I love you's" and acting melancholy when work trips would arise from out of no where, he could hide the ecstasy he felt knowing that for however long he'd be without her, without Georgia. And the small, whispered "I'll miss you" was more meant for the house and the plants than his wife.

So that night that he packed up and told Georgia he was leaving shocked everyone, especially Georgia. Her heart was more than broken. Throughout her whole life she was filled with an immense stillness, a calm that not many possessed. And through the turmoil she never lost that stillness. Not when her father left her, not when her best friend died, not when her mother fell ill- did that stilness leave.

But nothing soothed her, there was no stillness to her then.

The house echoed with her distressed screams of confusion, hurt, and more than anything rage. She threw the ring that he got her in his face and kept screaming. The thuds of Roman's clothes being shoved into a suitcase made her ears ring, almost as if each time it sounded he shot her with a pistol. She couldn't stop asking him why or how could he do this to her? After everything they had been through and overcame? And now he leaves?

But Roman had no answers, just an overwhelming feeling that he had to leave, and he had to leave then and so he did, and Georgia never heard from him again and it killed her inside.

She watched him pack up his blue Nissan Sentra and drive away. And when his car was out of site, she fell to her knees and sobbed quietly, each tear drop splattering on the front porch, and there was a stillness in the air but not in her. The last thing he said to her echoing clearly in her mind.

"I'm sorry Gia."