When you're gay, you're gay

Chpt 3

Georgia had been numb ever since Roman left her on their- her porch. She doesn't remember exactly how she got back inside and onto the couch but she remembers opening her eyes to an empty house and silence she hadn't heard since her dad died.

She hadn't tried to fight the divorce when Roman left. There was no point in it- he didn't want her anymore and there was nothing she could do. She didn't even know where he was. So, in her eyes, it was all hopeless for Roman and her.

Some days when she woke up in the early mornings for work, she lay there on Roman's side, trying to soak up the last bits of his smell. Georgia would sink into the groove he left, engulfed in the massive Roman shaped hole. She would wonder to herself why Roman left. Maybe she wasn't attentive enough, because if she was she'd have seen this coming from a mile away and stopped it. Deep down though, her heart would tell her that there was nothing she could've done to keep him there with her, even if it was for a few more minutes. But she didn't know that for sure.

She wished that she made him his favorite dinner more often, tatertot casserole. It wasn't a hard dish to make, if anything it would have saved her some time each week, but she didn't think it was good enough to just throw something in the oven and leave it there until golden brown. Georgia needed each meal to be crafted perfectly; tweaking and adjusting every recipe until Roman would let out a satisfied little sigh from his lips after a long day at work.

When she thought about it, Georgia would cry. Each and every little thing that her ex-husband would do that would fill her heart up with the warmth she felt when she first met him their junior year in college.

The worst part, every night at 5:30pm, when he would walk through the door, covered in grease and sweat, Georgia's eyes would stare at the front door waiting for it to open. She would look up from her book and wait to hear the door click unlocked. She waited to get up off of her favorite floral armchair and greet Roman with a smile. She waited for the smell of metal and grease to waft into the living room. She waited to hear Roman clear his throat before stepping in and greeting her back with a deep hug and lazy, half grin.

Sometimes she'd wait for hours, staring at the door. She willed it to swing open and reveal to her she was living a bad dream for the past couple of months, so she could melt back into Roman's warmth, have him hold her, and assure her that it was all alright. That it was all really just a nightmare.

And time went on and Georgia only got worse. Sicker.

Her mother, Mrs. Hanna Morgan, who Georgia loved dearly, had tried to reason with her. She for one, had never seen Georgia so sad. She was concerned.

Georgia was her voice of reason when she had gotten sick, she was her light. If it wasn't for her daughter, she wouldn't have continued to fight for her life. And when her husband, Phin, died.... There was Georgia. A bright and radiant star in the darkness that pushed her to never give up. Her daughter was the definition of optimism. But now? Georgia barely got off the couch if she wasn't hungry or (as of late) throwing up.

"Georgia, please. At least come with me to Dr. Velez." Georgia had not budged for weeks on going to see a doctor for how bad she felt and obviously looked.

Georgia didn't need a doctor, she needed her heart repaired. She needed answers. She needed something that would make her feel like she deserved another day inside her body. After Roman left, Georgia felt awful. Mostly, it was chalked up to grief and everyone tried to comfort her, but Georgia was not having it. She shut most people out, trying to figure out who she was again without Roman. But it only broke her heart further to try and relearn how to function without, what she felt, was her other half. And some days, when she felt really low, she hoped that Roman felt like she did. Empty, hurt.. Alone. But she knew he didn't. Everyone knew he didn't. Which is probably why no one knew his where-a-bouts and why no one cared to try and contact him. Afterall- he did do this to her. Everything that she felt right now- it was his fault. Georgia wanted to hate him but she couldn't. Even after he got up and left, she missed him. Her heart ached for him.