My life is UNREALLLLL

My poems

Below is a poem i wrote from my perspective of my 7 year old self ( not written at 7 tho) anyways its kinda sad tell me if you like it

Depression.
You dont see it.
You dont feel it.
It comes in waves.
Bit by bit, it creeps on you more and more.
Until it swallows you whole.
Until its so souffacting you cant breathe.
Depression.

The end is near its so so clear.
i was once blind but now i see
depression has its hold on me.
It wont let me go.
such a tight grip
i dream of the end
i dream of ending it all
i dream.

I hope and pray
day by day by day
it will all go away but it doesnt.
It stays.
With me.
Making me feel unseen.

Everyday my head swong low
to scared to let my scars show
so i hide it with a smile and hoodies.
Because i dont wanna let everyone down
But do they even care.
Do they even see me
for me or for who i wanna be.
Is love even love.
It doesnt feel real.
This deal of pain is too much. i vain.
Help i cry out but no one hears
it echos
and i grab the knife
i cant take any more
i hate my life i think before i cut a slice.
In my skin
i see the blood drip but i cant seem to care
i just cant wait
for the pain to be over and then black.

I wake you hoping to see pearly white gates
but i see people.
Tears fill my eyes
oh i wish and wish it was all a lie but no.
its real life.
I JUST WANNA DIE
I cry out for help
and no one sees until you bleed.
Bleed.
that works for a day
then they all go away
and your back to here you were at.
Stuck.

Between lust and love.
Looking for ways to cope
to distract your self
i dont vape
or smoke
or drink
what do i do to cope
do i push my feelings down
and smile
yes but after a while
it truns to a frown
and just like poof
i let them down
ive dropped my crown of happiness
and i cant find it
its lost
just like pluff
when i ask for help
they call bluff
i scream into my pillow
i look out the window
hoping to fly away
some day
ill be ok
hopefully.
depression .

you just want a hug.
and not to be a bug
or a bother but
i need help.
Help.
i cry out
but again no one hears
its like they dont have ears
cant they see.
Whats wrong with me?
Whats wrong with me?

I think to the past
kids tripping me in the halls
calling names and laughing at me.
Coming home
and feeling like a failure.
A shame
knowinng im to blame
for my mom not being happy.
Whats wrong with me
I think when i cry my self to sleep
ever since i was little
ive felt like i was the reason
my mom was hurting
But then i didnt really care
Because she was never really there
She never saw the pain
And when she did she looked away
Shes the reason for my depression.
She makes me hate myself
Makes me cry
Shes the reason i hate my life
Why i want to die
The things she says to me
The tears i shed in secrect
To scared to hurt her feelings
The way she did mine
I dont even feel anymore
She calls it heartless
when she has ripped my heart
From me and she doesnt see
The things she does
Its not her fault
But it is
She can stop it
She can stop my pain with 5 simple words
"Im sorry, i love you"
It wont stop the pain
Itll ease it for a while maybe
But the damage is done
You cant run
From the pain
It stains like
Depression

I use to take knives in my room just incase i felt it
The urge
So badly
so badly i wanted to burn.
Myself
i wanted to cut my self
slit my wrist
Drown
i wished evrynight
i wouldnt wake up to the pain i felt
everyday for 7 years.
For 7 years every day drawing
x's in my jail cell.
I'd hoped it was all in my head
but no.
Deppesion

As i got older
it got worse
more hate and less love.
I always hoped
they would notice the
cuts, bruises, and scratches
on my body
but they dont
i wish they ask me if i was ok
so i could let it all out.
the tears and sadness
i was dealing with alone.
Alone.
no one to help no one to call.
I mean
there was a few peoples sholders
i could cry on
but they wouldnt understand
would they?