This Won't Work

Wanting To Kiss Her

"I don't even really care about you
I don't mean to really love you"

- Rihanna

The sky is clear today. Not a cloud in sight. Just a glowing, looming circle of sun. Nature creates a song with the breeze, the waves, the trees.

Elana lays stomach-down on a beach towel, tanning.

The newlyweds took the boring day as an opportunity to go on a dinner date. Damien is up to who-knows-what. Probably getting high or drunk, or both.

After last night, Elana had done everything to avoid him. Her question had made an awkward tension between them.

Did she have to ask him?

Today, she slept in her own bed. Awoke in her own hotel room. Showered in her own shower. Dressed in her own clothes, not his shirt.

That was the way it was supposed to be. She shouldn't be sleeping next to him, falling into the most peaceful slumber she'd ever had. She shouldn't be waking up in his arms. She shouldn't be letting him wash her body, taking his time on his favorite parts of her. She shouldn't be wearing his shirt and liking how it carries his scent.

Elana had set out to the beach with the idea of a nap. Now, it became difficult to sleep as she reminisced over the past weeks.

She hated him.

When did that start to change?

She hates him.

But does she really?

Shs hates him less.

Or does she not hate him at all?

Her body shivered as she felt a hand graze her bare back. She lifted her head from her arms and met the man in question.

He sat in the sand beside her. Not a word spoken between them. Not a word needed to be spoken between them.

They both could read each other's thoughts and they were both okay with it.

His knuckles stroked her back gently. She didn't know if the act of affection was cute or just strange.

She flipped her loose hair to one side, gazing off to where the ocean met the horizon line. She looked at the scenery but Damien looked at her.

He wondered when his perception of her changed. His gaze on her had always been sexual, until it wasn't. Damien didn't know what to do with that information.

"The view is pretty." Elana's sweet voice wafted through the air and into his ears.

"It is." But his eyes were still on her.

"I don't know why I asked what I did yesterday."

He raked a hand through his dark hair. His stubble was becoming thicker. "It's okay."

He hesitated before his inner thoughts spewed out of his mouth. He had a tendency of saying whatever came to mind, but maybe he didn't want to say this out loud. The air between them had already shifted and he didn't want it to worsen.

Yet, he didn't stop himself. "I was wondering too."

Elana's head turned to him. His eyes fell down to her lips before lifting again.

"You didn't lie, right? This is just sex?" She asked, knowing that his hand was caressing her back. Knowing that his gaze kept falling on her lips. Knowing that his touch made her skin tingle.

She asked but he kept his lips together.

"Right?" She sat up, his hand falling off of her.

He swallowed the unwanted words that climbed up his throat. "Yeah. Of course."

She pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. Her hair fell in loose waves down her back. Her cheeks a soft pink. Her eyes glimmered.

"That's all this is." He whispered, not daring to raise his voice.

"Good." Elana responded, but her skin felt cold without his hand warming it. But she frowned when he was no longer looking. But she felt a strange sensation impale through her chest at his words.

*****

"I just- it was unexpected." Nova's words slurred. She called the bartender over and ordered her umpteenth drink.

Elana didn't have the will to stop her. As she, too, lost count of her drinks.

"I know. I never expected to fuck him."

Her drink arrived and she immediately picked it up. "I don't understand. You hated him. He's the most annoying person ever."

Elana set her glass down. "He is. He's making me so frustrated right now." The words slipped out of her before she could stop them.

She couldn't be telling Damien's sister the reasong behind her frustrations. How their conversation earlier had left Elana to a night of drinking. How she had asked him. How she had agreed with him. And yet, she didn't like his response, or hers for that matter.

"What did he do now?" Nova groaned out of annoyance.

Elana sighed. "I don't think I can tell you." She took another swig.

"I know he's my brother but I still have to be a good friend."

Elana threw her hands around her friend. Nova's body stiffened at the unexpected action.

"You are such a good friend." Elana's voice was muffled by her shirt. "I'm so sorry for fucking your brother."

She was on the cusp of sobbing and didn't know why. Was it her conversation with Damien? Was it Nova's ability to be a good friend? Or was it just the alcohol making her emotional?

Elana pulled away, her brows furrowed.

The dress she wore had been riding up her thighs and Nova's drunken eyes settled on it. She knew it was not the time but she didn't have the ability to pull her eyes away.

Elana blinked back tears. "I need to stop or else I'm gonna start bawling."

Before Elana could grasp reality, Nova's lips were on hers, her hands on her hips.

Elana pulled back, shock visible all over her face.

"Fuck." Nova shut her eyes. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm so sorry, Elana. I don't know why I did that."

Elana brought a finger up to her lips. She was speachless.

Nova dragged a hand down her face. How stupid could she be? Elana was fucking her brother for fucks sake.

"Nova..." Elana gulped. "I'm sorry, I just don't see you that way."

She ran a hand through her shoulder-length hair. "No, I know. I shouldn't have done that."

Elana's face shifted from shock to realization. "Oh my God, is that why you reacted the way you did? When you saw me and Damien?"

Her jaw snapped shut, confirming Elana's suspicions.

"I'm so, so sorry, Nova. I really am."

But Nova didn't accept that apology because however sorry she was, was not enough to make up for all the years she'd wasted wanting to kiss her.

*****