[Hiatus] Reincarnated and Soulless, Yet I Create

Nectar, Thirst

I had yet to drink my vials. I didn't even want to, didn't think I had a reason to, but then her words echoed in my mind, "Drink these to help you feel. You will need to feel in order to create."

She had said the vials would make me feel. In other words, she had known I would feel numb.

Back when I was human, I had such strong feelings. There was so much- often too much- I felt about many things: my passions, my hobbies, my relationships, and especially my art. When I was happy, I was overwhelmed with ecstasy; when I was angry, I was absolutely furious; when I was sad, I was truly and completely miserable. Sometimes these emotions were too much for me to handle, I would shut down and wouldn't feel anything for a few minutes. Unlike then, however, my feelings hadn't returned.

There was something wrong with me, and she had known what. Somehow between the time I was in my old world and now, something happened that took my feelings away. I knew there was something I was missing, but my mind was still rather sluggish. I had initially thought it was— was— was something? Whatever I had been thinking, my train of thought had slowed to a halt.

She had said the vials would make me feel, so they might also clear the fog that was clouding my mind. I looked at the sash. There were ten vials: red, orange, yellow, green, cyan, blue, purple, magenta, black, and white. I didn't think the order mattered, so I grabbed the first vial I saw, and popped off the lid. Yellow. Yellow had always been one of my least favorite colors, but right now I supposed it didn't matter which one I drank first. Slowly, I took a first tentative sip.

"Heehe- heheee HAH! HAAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAAAA," a giggle escaped me, busting into a full-blown guffaw. This is funny, hilarious even! Tears of joy escaped my eyes as my laughter slowly died down, "Heh, heh... hheh."

It wasn't until a final laugh escaped that things suddenly didn't seem funny anymore. This wasn't the same happy feeling I was used to. This was slightly off, like when a snack brand I used to love suddenly changed their recipe. Something was off, even if I couldn't place what exactly had been different from what I was used to. I looked down at the other vials, wondering if drinking all of them would make things feel right. I reached for the next vial, intending to take a sip from the remainder, one by one.

Purple brought out something in me I didn't know I'd had: obsession. I needed to know more about the vials and my situation, and I was prepared to do anything to find out what. But, instead of sorting out my situation like I had expected, the feeling faded into a very mild curiosity that lead me to choose the next vial.

The following vial I picked was blue, which forced out a sob, and then another. I wept, devastated, before my mood faded into melancholy. The next color I tasted was also a mistake, as after only a sip of magenta I almost dropped the vial as a scream of terror escaped my throat. From an unknown location, a repetitive clacking sound emanated, leaving me searching my surroundings, paranoid. It wasn't until the vial's effects faded that I realized my bones had been rattling in fear.

When I drank from red, I was practically frothing at the mouth with rage. I barely contained myself from smashing the red in my hand, and further from throwing it away from me in anger. Eventually my fury settled into annoyance, and I picked up the green vial.

It almost made me throw up, it tasted so horrid... or at least I thought it did until my nausea settled into a more mild disgust. I almost didn't want to continue, worried the next vial would make me sick again.

Still, I fought my distaste and tried orange. It made me realize to myself, I was a god deserving of worship of the whole multiverse— until it, too, faded and I was left feeling self-assured. That was the feeling that dispelled my doubts and led me to quickly gulp cyan.

The feeling that hit me first was an overwhelming dizziness. I was so disorientated, not understanding what was happening. Come to think of it none of this made sense. It didn't make sense that I would be here, in a world that was supposed to be fiction. Confusion must have overwhelmed me for a long time, but I couldn't be certain how long my mind was in disarray when it was so all encompassing. Eventually it faded into something like surprise, and I found myself not wanting to try anything else.

Yet, two vials remained. White and black.

I didn't want to drink them.

But I had to try them eventually.

I started with white. A sip led me to feel... nothing? No, that wasn't right, I could still feel the emotions I'd already tasted. I had read in plenty of fanfiction that white vial took away Ink's emotions, but surprisingly nothing happened. I was fine. Nothing changed, and I was left wondering just what was I supposed to feel? I wondered if black would be any different.

I hesitated, but eventually I tasted it. And I hated it. And the vials. And everything about this stupid situation. I hated it so much I wanted to burn it all to the ground. I wanted to show Fate what I thought of her stupid idea to put me into this body. I wanted to make her pay.

It was only fair. She wanted to use me to create AUs. Well I HATED her plan. I HATED the AUs...

But...

But.

But I didn't really hate them, not really. I just. It's not fair is it? I left behind so many people, my family, my friends. I was all alone here. I wanted to cry, but I must have spent all my tears when I'd cried earlier. But maybe, if I had another sip of blue, I could cry some more.

I held the blue vial in my phalanges. It would only take a sip.

I found couldn't do it, I didn't have it in me. I didn't want to feel this way anymore, I didn't want to cry or feel sad or think about how I'll never get to talk to anyone I loved ever again. But maybe there was something else I could drink. Something that would make me stop thinking about all of this, at least for a little while.

Yellow had made me so happy when I'd tried it. It was the first and best emotion I'd felt since all of this started. Just. One sip.

It was a large sip, perhaps, but I needed the help. It was blissful, but weaker than the first time. Unfortunately, even that bliss faded away, and my sadness started to creep back. One more?

Somehow the second faded quicker, I wasn't sure if it was because my body had adjusted to it, or if it was because there was already some in my system and the little bit more I'd had wasn't much by comparison. This time I didn't hesitate for the third, which elicited a soft giggle from me as I thought how silly the word three is.

I didn't wait for it to fade before I went for my fourth, but when I looked at the little bottle, I was surprised to find it was empty.

That was when the pain hit. It was sharp, yet all over, every bone in my body felt like it was disintegrating. I wanted so badly to pass out from the pain. Then, much to my relief, I did.

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(Words: 1290)

They basically overdosed on paint, but they'll be fine... ish.

Anyways, the white vial didn't provide an emotion or erase the effects of the other colors... but what did you think it was going to do? 🤔