Backstage // Josh & Jake Kiszka

Part 5

"Stop beating around the bush and just say what you want to say."

It had been late when you'd tried to sneak back in. Not because you felt any remorse for where you'd been or who you'd been with. You were still not really sure where the conversation with Stevie was going to go. Causing you a level of anxiety that overshadowed the need to address the cutting atmosphere.

But she was still awake. Or she had chosen to rise early. Meaning that no matter how quietly you came back into the room, she heard you. That familiar judgemental stare burning into you as you dropped your shoulders and waited for your tongue lashing. Genuinely perturbed by her raging silence.

"I mean it, let's just stop all this bullshit. Let me fucking have it." You urged, "I'm a reckless bitch who never thinks of anybody but herself and can't have any self control when it comes to fucking up everything for everybody else. Correct me if I've missed anything?"

Stevie got out of bed and started making it like it was a requirement. Like somebody wasn't going to come in and strip it within hours of you leaving.

"Would you stop stalling?!" You pleaded, "This is ridiculous, I know I've avoided you and I'm sorry for that but I'm here now and I'd really rather just get this out of the way before we have to sit on a plane for three hours."

She shoved her fist into her pillow and placed it lovingly onto the bed, making sure it was perfectly plumped before bringing her venom over to where you stood. It was painful to see her trying so hard not to punch you in the face.

"I will fucking end you if you mess this up." She spat, the whites of her eyes popping with red veins. "I haven't worked my ass off for the last five years going hungry and not paying my rent just so that we could play shows and get better at what we do to finally get somewhere with it all and have it taken away just because you wanted some rockstar dick. You've had rockstar dick. What's so special about this one?"

For the first time you realised just how low her opinion of you was. You felt the years roll back, a little voice in your head that sounded suspiciously like hers telling you over and over not to fuck it up. And no matter how hard you tried, nothing you ever did was good enough.

"I must have missed the memo that said I couldn't fuck whoever I wanted, I'm sorry." You spat back, turning to pack your things before it got too heavy.

But she'd started. And now she would finish. Grabbing your arm, nails digging in deliberately hard. You shrugged her off, afraid that you'd do something or say something you might regret. You'd never seen her like this before.

"You're so fucking afraid we're going to lose this gig, aren't you? I don't understand why?! I could fuck the whole band and it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference. Yeah, I guess management would be pissed but that's just dumb HR crap. There's only one way we'll end up kicked off this tour and that's if you continue making me feel like I've done something wrong. I mean it Stevie, I'll leave this fucking band."

You thought you'd feel better once you said it, but you didn't. Maybe there had been times in the past where your behaviour had impacted the natural progression of things. Nobody understood that better than you.

"What could you possibly have to gain, though?!" She asked, staring at you like she knew you were bluffing. "If you leave the band where will you go? What will you do? You fucked college up, there's no going back to that! Let's face it, we're in this. And you know as well as I do, it's not the fucking I'm worried about. I've seen men lose their damn minds over you before and Jake is no exception. I've seen the way he looks at you. And don't think I haven't noticed the way you look at Josh. That is a disaster waiting to happen. And I'm not going to stand by and just let it. You're my sister and I fucking love you. And I will tell you if you messed up. And I'll make you feel like shit for all the stupid things you do but nobody's looking out for you like I am and that's just the truth."