Backstage // Josh & Jake Kiszka

Part 9

"Why don't we ask her what she wants?"

Josh was stoically calm. Without so much as a ruffled feather. In fact, the vibe you were picking up on was one of muted excitement.

"What's the verdict?" He asked, drawing his attention away from Jake, who was eager to have you say it out loud.

You were chewing on your choice. Rolling it around in your mouth to see how it tasted. Still getting used to the events which had unfolded that day on the tour bus. How everything seemed to have hinged on that level of truth.

No more bullshit. No more pretending that the things which unfolded in our minds didn't have a bearing on our realities. Josh had almost been relieved when he saw Jake hold you like that. Whispering in your ear about regrets seemed to awaken something within him that you hadn't even realised had been dormant within you, too.

"I love you, babe." You sighed, sliding your hand into Josh's as you sat on the end of the hotel room bed. "More than ever, I love you."

Josh was the awakening. The way his body cried out to you, it meant something. You were bound to him, body and soul. But you couldn't lie to him, and you hadn't. The things which had been said on that tour bus had lead you to this moment.

"I know you do." He replied, squeezing your hand gently. "And I love you right back, just the same."

Jake pulled down his shades to the tip of his nose. Standing with his legs crossed as he leaned against the wall opposite. It had been days of considering what might happen if you didn't take this opportunity. What if you'd said no to the possibility? What if you'd done what so many women before you had done and just gone against your gut just to keep the view of your relationship comfortable enough for outsiders to consume?

"Don't keep us in suspense." Jake urged, eyeing you over the rim of his shades.

You turned to Josh. "You know I would never betray you, don't you?"

He'd had every right to consider that thought. Especially when you'd pulled away from Jake, fighting for some sort of reasonable explanation and finding yourself lost for words as Josh didn't bat an eyelid. The tour bus felt incredibly small in that moment.

"We already talked about this." He reassured you. "I just need you to tell me what it is that you want. It's the only way we can move forward."

"Ok." You sighed, pulling in a deep breath as you prepared to voice the deepest and most intimate wants and desires you'd ever had. "No regrets?"

"No regrets." He echoed, "Whatever happens from this moment on, I will continue to love you the way I always have."

You'd been unable to focus on anything else in the intervening days. Locked in a cycle of what if's and depraved thoughts that brought you so much arousal you'd been throbbing even in moments where it was completely inappropriate.

"I think I want to do it." You exhaled, staring at the ground as you said it. "I mean, I won't know unless I try, right?"

Josh planed a careful palm down your hair, gripping it at the tip and staring into your eyes. There was a gratefulness there in his gaze that gave you hope. You had no intention of breaking up with him. You couldn't live in a world where Josh existed and you couldn't touch him. But you couldn't deny the passage of unspoken wants and desires that had transpired that day.

He loved you. He wanted to be with you. But there was so much more to give, on both sides. He'd been calm and stoic as he watched Jake pull away from you. Catching the pack of guitar strings as they were thrown at him. And Josh had thrown them with such venomous intent, you'd expected a wildfire to start burning the tour bus down.