Drowning Deep Into Love

P R I N C E S S

"When life leads us down to unknown streets, within a heartbeat we can tell whether it holds the promise of love or the burden of lifelong regrets."

Seven Years Ago

September 23, 2014

Samantha's Diary                                              Page no. 221

To my dear self,
I used to believe that I'd be forever alone, without any lovable thing, without friends, just as I had been for most of my life. It's ironic, isn't it? Considering my father's wealth, though he's not incredibly affluent. Despite that, I never attended a traditional school. School, for me, existed within the walls of my home. I was home-schooled, right up to my senior high school graduation this year.

But, things have changed since coming here, and I wanted to capture these feelings on paper.

A few weeks ago, I was desperately trying to escape, thinking this place was just another prison, much like the one I called home.

But no, it's more like a palace, and I, surprisingly, feel like a princess, a real-life Snow White here.

For the very first time, I've made friends: Denver, Felix, and... Ash... well, I'm not entirely sure if I can label him as my friend just yet.

There's something about him that both intrigues and confounds me. whenever I think of him these days, I get this strange fluttery feeling in my stomach that makes me queasy.

Strangely, I've grown to like this unfamiliar sensation, despite its unsettling nature.

I can't recall the last time I laughed or smiled freely, but here, I find myself laughing every day and smiling through the night.

No one restricts me from doing anything here. I'm not made to feel inferior because of my gender.

I secretly love it when Ash praises my abilities. But I can't let on that his words affect me. He's always doing things, like making breakfast in the morning, even though the thought of breakfast makes me want to vomit. I mean, who can stomach such a heavy meal in the morning?

I find myself liking it when he glances at me during our workouts. And oh my, I wish to touch those abs and ask if they're real or just a Photoshop illusion!

When I first saw him at the altar, I thought he was just like those other men who believe women exist solely to stay in their shadow for protection, satisfy their sexual desires, and give birth to babies - lots of babies to continue the family lineage and fuel never-ending power struggles.

But now, when I don't see him at home some nights, I can't help but feel a twinge of disappointment. I've asked Denver about this and he says that Ash is a man and he has needs. And I understand what he means.

Perhaps he has a girlfriend, or maybe he's just like Denver, who sleeps with a new woman every night.

Honestly, there are times when I think of Denver as a bit of a ladies' man. He even flirts with me occasionally. In the beginning, I thought of him as a douchebag, but now I've come to view him as a good friend, albeit one with some bugs in his personality. But that's alright; no one in this world is without flaws.

But Felix. He's different. He's not as stoic as Ash or as wild as Denver. He's kind, and at times, I think the mafia and the underworld aren't the right places for someone like him. He reminds me so much of Miguel.

God, I miss him terribly! I haven't seen him in nearly a month and a half, but we stay in touch through phone calls. He constantly warns me not to trust anyone here, no matter how well they behave in front of me. He promises to find a way to set me free from this place. I hope he doesn't do anything foolish; he's just fourteen.