White Noise {Ayushiki AU}

Progresses

"Ayumi?" Hinoe asked as she was approaching my bed. I looked up at her and she was wearing a pearly white smile.

"Ready to start your first day of senior high school?"

I shake my head and I leaned back on my pillow. "I don't want to go." I respond. Hinoe pats me on the head and continues to give me her heartwarming smile. "It's okay to be scared. I was too!"

"Really? That's odd. You always seemed so brave to overcome whatever life throws at you."

"You can be brave too, Ayumi."

"I'm scared of making new friends, enemies, and I'm most definitely afraid of falling in love."

"It's okay to fall in love, Ayumi. You just have to fall in love with the right person."

"I guess I won't be falling in love anytime soon, then."

"Get some rest, you've got a big day ahead of you."

"Alright. By the way, are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Sorry sport, I have to go back to school soon. I'll call often, okay? Besides, you've got mom here."

"Mom always loved you the most."

"Don't think that, she loves you as much as she loves me. Goodnight, sis."

Hinoe left my side, turned off the lights, and closed the door. From that day on, I swore to myself that I'd never fall in love with the wrong person. Even up to this day, I've still kept that promise.

A few years later, Hinoe wanted to take my mom and I to Tokyo to celebrate her graduating. A day before, I came down with a fever and couldn't go, but I wanted Hinoe to spend some quality time with my mom, which she wasn't able to do so within these past few years.

On the morning of the trip, I tuned to the news and I was petrified as I heard about a shooting in Tokyo. I broke down even further hearing my mom and Hinoe's name in the deaths list. I couldn't believe it. My heart skipped a few beats, my mouth went dry and I fell to the floor crying endless tears. I felt so stupid. I couldn't believe it. I continuously think to myself "That could've been me".

As I enter the school doors the next day, I see everyone's eyes are fixated on me. Their eyebrows are arched, lips are curved down and their faces are slightly red. I walk further down the halls and as of right now, they're still staring at me. I then hear footsteps approaching me. I turn around and see that it's Mochida. "Shinozaki." He says. "You lied to all of us. I knew that you were suicidal from the start."

"How did you know?" I ask.

"Do you think that you're completely alone in the bathroom?"

"Yes, I check twice."

"We could all hear you. Why didn't you ask any one of us for help?"

I hesitate and I shed a few tears. "I didn't want to look belittled."

"Class rep, I can't believe you lied to us."

"So what if I did? I just wanted you guys to see me as a class rep, and not my actual self, who is this depressed bitch whose mom and sister died!"

"That explains why you go home alone."
Yoshiki, why aren't you here?

"Mochida! Leave me alone, you don't know what you have! You have perfect friends, a perfect family, and a perfect girlfriend! You wouldn't have ever understood me even if it hit you in the head."

"You don't understand either!"

"What do I not understand about you! Everyone knows you and adores you! Might as well just kill myself like what I wanted to do in the first place!"

"Don't do th---"

"You know, I was actually recovering from my depression, until you gathered everyone else in the school to gang up on me like this."

"I just wanted to know the truth!"

"Shut up, just shut up!" I run off to the bathroom and I grab my knife from my bag. I relapse. I stab my arm gently, examining the blood gushing out. I continue to scar the other parts of my body. My thigh, legs, arms, and hands are now unbearable to look at. After a few minutes of blood dripping from my arm to the floor, I finally decide to point my knife at my heart. "It's time," I say, "you get to see your family again. Mom, Hinoe, and even Dad."

I prepare to put the knife in deeper. Until I something drops out from my bag. It was an index card that Yoshiki wrote to me after we kissed.
Ayumi, don't you ever give up. Even though you've been through so much trouble and want to get away from it, you can't just give up. Life is a beautiful thing and there's definitely something ahead of you, and I've learned that the hard way. You're such a beautiful soul and I'd hate to see you go. You can have an impact on so many people in the future and potentially save their lives. And you've already made an impact on me.
If you were to kill yourself right now, I would've too. I couldn't imagine a world without you. You changed my life, and you can change others' too.
Don't give up. -Yoshiki <3

I start to cry tears of joy. "You understand me, Yoshiki." I say softly.

The door opens and I saw someone I knew. It was Miss Yui.

"Shinozaki! Look at all this blood!" She cried.

I was silent. I didn't know what to say anymore.

"Sensei... Now, you know. Thank you for being so nice to me, though."

"Shinozaki," she says again as she kneels down next to me, "I know exactly how you feel."

My eyes widen before I open my mouth to say anything. "Really?"

"I was a suicidal teenager myself. My boyfriend died in a car accident when I was seventeen."

"That's awful!" I say as I leap in for a hug.

"I know, he meant everything to me, since my parents were idle and never played attention to me. But you know what, after many years of cutting and depression, I took on the role of being a teacher and I met all of you guys. Everyone at this school was so cheerful and amazingly generous, especially you, Shinozaki."

"Me?" I reply.

"Yes, you." She says, poking me in the belly. "You were such an amazing student. You ended my depression. I was always so excited to come to work to see you and everyone else here."

"Really?"

"You better believe it!" Yoshiki's note flies away from my hands and on Miss Yui's upper leg. "Hey, what's this?" She asks as she read the letter. As she reads it, she started to tear up. "Every time I would think about my boyfriend, I would consider relapsing. But after reading this, I realized that everyone has hope." She smiles at me and continues to speak, "Is he your boyfriend?"

"Um, I think he is?"

"Take care of him. He loves you."

"I know, Miss Yui, I know."