I grip the steering wheel. I only start feeling fearful as I continue to read his next message. I can tell as each message comes he grows more desperate. "Mariah please I know I messed up, but please...you're the love of my life. If you don't come back I'm going to do something bad." He says. I turn my phone off to at least try to slow my heart rate.
After turning off my phone, I just keep driving. At this point I just want to get as far as I can. I get a hotel that has separate buildings. I breathe out hoping all of his text were just my imagination. There's a knock at the door.
It has to be a hotel worker it can't be him. I look through the peephole. I hide in a closet quitely. As I hide and keep quiet he knocks on the front door again, the sound of knocking fills my ears. Then, he knocks harder.
"Mariah~...I know you're in there. Please...I love you..." He continues his desperate attempts to get my attention. "I don't want to do this, I want you back... Please Mariah, let me in..." He says. I cover my ears and cry quietly. "Mariah!" He yells and continues banging on the door. "Just let me in!" He says.
The more he yells and bangs on the door the more my heart drops as I try to hold back my tears. I stay quiet hoping he goes away. He starts knocking on windows. He was yelling louder, with each yell he got more desperate. "Please Mariah, come out. I know you're in there...you can't escape me... and you know it." He says.
"Is this really how things will end? You and me just ignoring one another?!" He continues. I grip my hair just wanting it all to stop. "Mariah please, I know I screwed up really bad, but I miss you! I want to make it up to you, I promise! If you just hear me out I know we can fix this!" He says. I curl up close to myself on the floor. As I cry, I can feel his knocking stop.
"You're making this harder than it needs to be..." He says in a soft and gentle tone. I hear glass breaking outside, and I peek out. He starts speaking again, this time his voice isn't calm anymore. I close the door quietly. "If you don't come out now, I'll destroy this entire house!" He says with an aggressive voice.
"Please come out!" He adds in a pleading tone. I hear more glass continue to break outside as I feel my heart beating at an alarming rate. "Mariah, you heard what I said! I'll destroy this place to the ground unless you come out! Just come out, we could end this now..." He continues. I stay silent for what felt like ages, I begin to think that he was gone. But it was all a trick as I hear him knocking on the backdoor again.
"Mariah I need to talk to you..." He says in a calm voice. "Just give me five minutes I promise I just need to talk to you..." He continues. "Just five minutes!" He says. He starts to kick the door. The back door breaks making my heart race.
No why is this happening to me?! My heart skips a beat as I hear the sound of glass breaking outside again. I hear the glass crunch as he slowly walks inside... "Mariah~ I need to talk to you this will be the last time I bother you." He says in a calm voice. He starts walking towards my hiding spot.
I covers my mouth silently crying in my hiding spot. He comes closer to me as I hide and cry silently. He comes closer to the spot I'm hiding in. "Darling please, I just need to talk. I'm so sorry." He says in a pleading tone.
"I just need to explain myself and you need to hear me out." He continues.
"I know I messed up, but I'm human. I still love you so much, please let me talk to you for five minutes..." He says. I stay hidden and as still as I can possibly be. I hear his footsteps slowly getting closer to where I am. He's whispering with his voice shaking in fear. "Mariah...please... let me explain..." He whispers.
His voice is shaky and filled with fear, I wonder if he's truly done with all the destruction to just talk to me... I tremble and cry covering my mouth. He opens the door. "There you are darling~." He says and snatches me up. I struggle to get out of his grasp but he holds me. "Mariah, I just want you to listen to me for five minutes. If you don't listen to me then I'll go. I just want you to hear me out." He says as he pulls me closer to him.
"I love you, I made a mistake." He adds trying to put a hand on my cheek. "Please just hear me out...please..." He says. "Why are you doing this?" I ask. He loosens his grip on me as he lets out a sigh. "Mariah...I made the biggest mistake of my life." He says.
He looks at me with sad, tear filled eyes. His voice breaks as he says this. "Please let me explain myself." He says, almost as if he's pleading. "If you hear me out...this situation can be over, please let me explain...it won't be long." He says in a calm tone. He holds me gently now, as if he's afraid to lose me.
"Mariah...please... Let me love you. Let me explain myself. I just need five minutes to speak. Please...." He says. "Fine explain yourself." I say. He sighs as he begins to speak. "All these years, I've kept a secret from you...I'm not who you thought I was. I've been hiding something from you, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to hate me." He says. He sighs.
"But I have to tell you." He says. He takes my hands in his. I feel his hand shaking. "I love you, I really do love you Mariah I've kept so many secrets from you." He says. Yeah no shit Sherlock. "I know you love me, I just needed you to hear my side." He says.
He takes a deep breath. His face is filled with sadness as he tells me his side of the story. I looks to the side. He holds onto my hands tightly as he speaks, you could see his eyes watering as he continues. "Mariah I need you to look at me. I need you to look at me, so you can see that I love you- Don't look away please, we need to finish this, I just want you to hear my side. I wanted to tell you, but I just couldn't." He says.
"How am I supposed to trust you? How do I know that these are real tears? You said full heartedly all of those hateful things. You even told me it was all true. I can't trust you after this." I say. He looks away in shame as he continues speaking. "You don't have to forgive me now, just hear what I have to say." He continues speaking with his head down. His voice starts breaking again as he continues.
"You're right...I messed up. I didn't mean any of those things I said, but I know it sounds like a dumb excuse now. I just want you to hear me out." He says. "Why should I though?" I say and hold his hands tightly and starts to cry. He lets out a sigh and wipes away my tears with a hand and hugs me. "Mariah, you don't have to trust me but just hear me out. All I want is to finish what I started, you deserve the truth. Please allow me to tell you the truth...." He says. I sniffle and nod.
"Thank you, all I need is your ears. I need you to hear me out, please...after I tell you my side you don't ever need to speak to me again. But I know you deserve an explanation, and I know I should've said something a long time ago." He says then pauses. "I love you, I'm just so ashamed. Please, just let me tell you the truth." He says. I just nod. "Mariah, it's been hard to come to terms that I've never been honest with you. I've kept many secrets, and I've done things before meeting you that I am afraid you wouldn't want me if you knew. But...I love you. And you made me a better person, even if I've done things in the past I'd never do them with you." He says. He pauses.
"Mariah, you're the love of my life. Even if you don't forgive me for what I've done before I understand, but I'm so sorry. I miss you and I've thought about everything I've done and I regret it. I'm a better person because of you." He continues. "I know nothing I say will fix this, but I need you to hear this. Please, I've lived a lie and I'm tired of it." He says and cries silently now. "This is my biggest sin, I should've told you about everything I've done before I dated you. I just...I just missed your warmth and your touch. And I wanted to be with you even if deep down I knew you wouldn't want me...because my past is not one of trust." He says. "You miss me for my body that's what it is." I say. He stops for a moment, he looks away as he speaks.
"I'll admit it. But that's not all it is, if it was I could've just found someone else." He says. "But I love you, I don't just miss your body, I miss your smile.I miss feeling your skin next to mine, I miss your laughter.... I miss you."
TBC...
