ah.
i've made it here again.
the same path i knew too long ago and how i never wanted to come back,
but once again, "it is all my fault."
only anger and frustration runs through my veins, the hate has grown for far too long,
now overflowing of its already cracked glass,
and i can't help but wonder if i have truly gone insane.
repeated words that cloud my mind, coming from a place called home:
useless.
worthless.
it goes never-ending.
i know it all too well.
will i be able to get things right?
hit. hit.
from someone named myself.
the purples and blues that spread across my skin scream for mercy,
blending into the white noise of my mind.
another hit and another.
ripped skin and crimson.
i don't know how much time has passed.
will i be able to get things right?
this burning sensation from the top of my head to my toes aren't satisfying enough.
it needs to be done.
it needs to be done.
yet i hate it so much.
i don't want to feel this way.
i swear i am not the child you think i am,
but no matter what i do,
it is never enough.
will i be able to get things right?
as time passed alone with myself,
i can only feel my wounds splitting open.
i don't know how much longer i can take.
i'm tired of these thoughts created by you
cause i know i'm deserving of enough,
but i can't help that i only want to make you proud.
will i be able to get things right?
"I'm sorry. it will never happen again."
yet how many times have i heard you say that?
i can't escape this cycle.
i can't be the person you want me to be.
i just wish someone could understand me.
will i be able to get things right?
there will be a day when i'm not afraid,
not afraid of you or this responsibility because truthfully,
you barely know me.
i am not the child of years ago that you long for.
for that i have grown, lived, and learned the unknown who has shaped me into me.
no longer am i the little girl that you compare me to.
though for now, i'll stay a child.
as "it is all i am and all i ever will be."
so although i already know the answer...
tell me, will i be able to get things right?
