I think I'm lost without you [Paul Lahote]

Chapter Three: I wish you would stay in my memories

When Noah finally reached La Push High, she slightly regretted her decision to make that early morning excursion. Her back had gone from a bearable throb to a sharp ache, and she was pretty sure the wounds were seeping again. Good thing both her shirt and hoodie were black. Noah's ribs on the other hand, felt like they were puncturing her lungs. She had to measure how much she really wanted to breathe versus the pain. Short, shallow breaths seemed to be the best option but it wasn't great.

Noah tried to keep her head down as she got her shit under control and ended up pausing to lean against the building, with one hand pressing into her side. By the time her breathing had slowed, and the shake in her hands diminished to a tremble, the bell for first period rang. Good thing no one gave a shit about her anymore or else they might have questioned her little episode. Too occupied to notice anything else, Noah did not see her cousin and (ex)best friends staring at her with open concern. Her old self would've been particularly giddy at the sight of Paul Lahote gazing at her with a slight frown in his brow. As it were, Noah didn't see any of this and kept her eyes forward as she made her way to History.

She used to share this class with Jake and Embry. The three of them were absolute menaces of students. Noah was by far the most studious out of the group and tried very hard to pay attention in all of her classes, but they were always able to rope her into their class-interrupting discussions. They knew exactly which topics to goad her with. An argument over whether or not the moon landing was faked landed all three of them after-school detentions one day. They still took the class together but there was none of that anymore - probably to all of their teachers' relief. When they could be bothered to attend school, the steroid gang sat in the back of every classroom and talked only to themselves.

This suited Noah fine. She didn't much care to interact with them anymore anyways. Sometimes, she thought she could feel their eyes on her, boring into the back of her head. Noah couldn't be positive, because she rarely looked back to check, but the feeling grated on her nerves. Besides, Noah was struggling enough as it was with school without dwelling on the past. Her home life wasn't exactly conducive to studying - but Noah tried. It was important to her to get her GED before skipping town, she wanted to feel like she had accomplished something worthwhile by staying.

The rest of her morning classes were much the same. Some combination of the infamous cult would occupy a group of the desks at the back and Noah would try not to let any of them occupy her mind for more than a few seconds. She was successful for the most part.

The only problem was math class. She still shared that class with Paul Lahote, her old (not so old) crush. And while the gang usually stuck to themselves, Paul was the only one in this class. Plus, their seats were already at the very back of the classroom, so there was nowhere for him to move after he'd changed. They didn't talk anymore, not that they really did before, but Noah found herself unable to even look his way now. She used to always yearn for those little moments between them, but now it was all too much.

Noah had been warned that Paul didn't even know she existed many times before, but now she was certain of it. When she had the courage to observe him out of the corner of her eye, she saw just how unimpressed he was with the entire school. Mostly, Paul just stared out the window, but when he was forced to interact with someone, he had an incredible talent for expressing how beneath him he thought they were with just a look and slight flare of his nostrils. He seemed utterly angry at the world. On days where Noah sensed his attention start to turn towards her, she firmly locked her eyes onto her notebook. She couldn't bear the thought of him targeting that hard, bitter look towards her. She had suspected, from the moment in the parking lot, that the whole gang shared Jacob's opinion of her, but Noah cowardly refused to find out for sure. Especially not with Paul, who she once held so close in her heart.