Two weeks ago John had thrown you out of his house in his anger. Normally he tried to avoid rash actions at all costs, but at that moment his brain had short-circuited. The moment the door had slammed shut behind you, he had already regretted what he had done. But it just wasn't in his nature to chase anyone, not even you, who took his heart right with you when you had disappeared through the door.
He couldn't blame you for your job. He couldn't blame you for doing what had been expected of you. But he still couldn't believe you of all people would have worked in a place like that. You had set the bar high for your standards, for doing the right thing no matter what, and that was something John admired about you. But you must have had your reasons. Reasons he hadn't wanted to listen to. And now his heart was paying the price. After Evelyn, he hadn't thought it would ever hurt like this again.
He had thought you would come back. You weren't the type to leave things unsaid. But you hadn't come back. And so thinking that you would come back had turned into hoping that you would come back. But with every day the hope had faded. Until John heard from Beth that she had seen you with Jamie and JJ. First in a café and then she had followed the three of you to your apartment. John had never been to your apartment. You hadn't invited him and he hadn't asked further.
And so the last glimmer of hope was threatened to be extinguished when John was overcome with anger. The past two weeks and its revelation had taken their toll on him. And he knew that his brooding and silence made everyone else nervous. So much that they actively tried to avoid him for fear of waking the brooding, grimly bear. It suited him well because his inner turmoil was compounded by his lack of sleep. He was haunted by the look you gave him as you left. During the day. And worse in the stillness of the night. Sleeping without you had become a near impossible task. He thought he knew you. That he could trust you. But what Beth had implied at the dinner table left him in doubt. Only made worse by the day's revelations. He couldn't believe that you, and just as badly his own son, would betray him behind his back.
And so, John took another deep, calming breath, trying not to jump to conclusions as he eyed Jamie across from him. It reminded him of the situation with the reporter a few years ago when Beth had brought Jamie up to him. To tell him what he had done to him. But he wouldn't lose his impulse control a second time. It had cost him you, he wasn't going to lose Jamie as well.
"What did you do to me?"
But unlike last time, Jamie didn't avoid eye contact, nor did he appear guilty in any way. Jamie just looked at him. Almost like he did something wrong and not Jamie.
"What did I do?! You should be wondering what you did. And not only to yourself, but above all to (Y/N)."
John continued to stare at Jamie, who still didn't avoid eye contact. Something wasn't adding up. Jamie had only confronted him like this once before. In that rhetorically questioning and deeply accusatory tone. Back when Jamie, overcome with pain and betrayal, had confronted him about his adoption. But now it almost seemed like Jamie wasn't worried about himself at all. However, John wasn't sure who Jamie was worried about.
John had done so many things wrong with Jamie, and since the whole adoption mess and the death of his birth father, John had been on very thin ice when it came to his son. So John was pretty sure Jamie was more worried about (Y/N) than his own father. After all his fatherly flaws, it shouldn't really surprise him that in less than a year, Jamie had bonded with you more than he ever had with him.
And then something happened that hadn't happened in a long time. Jamie sought the direct contact he otherwise tried so hard to avoid. Always afraid that instead of a kind word he would be treated harshly. And when Jamie walked up to him and put his hand on John's shoulder, John knew it must have been him who had made a terrible mistake, not Jamie.
"Dad..."
John couldn't suppress the small, barely perceptible twitch of surprise that Jamie wouldn't have noticed without the contact. Jamie calling him "Dad" seemed like a long-forgotten memory. After Jamie had uncovered the truth about his adoption and biological father, he had refrained from calling John anything other than his name. And Jamie saw the emotion such a simple expression of endearment evoked in his father. Because even if Jamie wanted to deny it, he only ever had one father. And it most definitely wasn't Garrett Randall.
"Dad? You're okay?"
Feelings were not discussed in the Dutton household. But Jamie couldn't help it. His father looked... Jamie couldn't even begin to describe what his father looked like. But the memories of his mother and the first few weeks after her death inevitably came to Jamie's mind.
"I don't think so..." and after a short pause "...son."
"I want you to listen to me. I can't tell you everything because I promised (Y/N). But please listen without interrupting me, knowing that I had the best interests of both of you in mind."
A little nod. "Go on."
"Okay... well... that didn't go the way I expected it to. So, first of all, I know that Beth had seen me in town today. And I know Beth drew only one conclusion from that. So yes, I met (Y/N) today, JJ was with me, and yes, we went to her apartment. But Dad, I promise you, nothing had happened there. We just talked. Okay? Like I said, I'm not going to tell you everything we talked about because she made me promise not to tell anyone what she confided in me. But know this: I would never betray you like that. Okay? And more importantly, (Y/N) would never ever betray you in this way. Gosh, I wish a girl would look at me the way (Y/N) looks at you Dad. As if you hung the moon."
Jamie couldn't help but notice the small smile that graced his father's lips. As if some of the burden he had been carrying over the past few days had been lifted. But Jamie had to finish what he had started, and Jamie knew it would be painful for his father to hear.
"But Dad, you hurt her. Deeply. And you don't even know the whole story. You didn't even let her explain. And what bothered me the most during the conversation between (Y/N) and I was that she was scared of you, if only for a brief moment. She told me she was afraid you would get rid of her. Like... in the train station way rid of."
It was as if he had hit his father. Over the years they had exchanged heated arguments and hateful words, but Jamie had never seen his father recoil. Jamie had wanted to hurt his father often enough. Sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally. But as he watched his father recoil and the color drain from his face, he doubted he'd ever fully understood what it meant to hurt the man he called his father.
