Doctors Here To Save The Day | One-Shot Collection |

Guilt (Parado x Emu)

Synopsis: Parad thinks of the past and starts feeling some strong, unknown emotions. He tries to hide his inner turmoil, but Emu gets him to talk and boy does Parad not like the explanation to what these feelings are.

TW// suicidal thoughts, survivor guilt

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Parad really hadn't ever known what to expect once everything had finally settled down. To be fair, he hadn't exactly been expecting to still be alive either. But now that everything was over, a lot of different feelings started coming through. Feelings he really didn't like.

He had been fine at first. He got to enjoy Emu's company the way he had always dreamed of. He had a friend that he got to have fun with and not have to worry about anything coming between them again.

But then, he started having thoughts. Thoughts of the past. Remembering the other bugsters he had met and some that he had bonded with. That was when things started to hurt.

Parad didn't know how to handle these feelings. He wasn't even entirely sure what they were. These feelings were weird. But, he didn't want to tell anyone about them. He was afraid to. Afraid that if anyone knew he was thinking of the past in the way he was that they'd get mad at him. He didn't know why he felt that way either. None of this was making any sense.

"Parad? Are you okay? You've been spacing out for a while now."

Parad was forced out of his thoughts by a sudden voice, making him jump. He quickly looked at the culprit. Emu was beside him.

They were in his house. It was the end of the day. Emu had been doing some chores while Parad had sat down for a bit. That was when he started thinking again.

"I..." Parad paused. What did he say? Emu was clearly worried about him. He didn't want to make him any more worried.

"What's bothering you?" Emu prompted. He knew him too well. There was no hiding this inner turmoil.

Parad looked down at his lap and started fiddling with his hands. How did he even try to explain what was going on in his head? Emu wouldn't be upset with him for thinking the things he was, right? Emu would try to help him.

A hand was placed on his shoulder. "You know I can feel your emotions, right? I know something is bothering you a lot. Just tell me. Please. I want to help you solve this."

"I... don't know what's wrong..." Parad mumbled, his voice cracking. "I don't understand why I feel this way."

"Try to explain it the best you can." Emu requested.

Parad wished it was that easy. Not knowing what any of this was made explaining things very difficult. Words weren't coming to him at all. What was he supposed to say?

"I just... I started thinking about the past... and the other bugsters I met and... I feel weird now. Like, my heart is twisting every time I think of them." Parad finally found some words to say. "Sometimes I start wondering what it would be like if they were still around..."

Emu pondered over his words. Parad was nervous about his response. Did Emu understand what was wrong with him?

"You miss them." Emu said, "And, I think maybe you feel guilty that you get to live on when they don't."

"Guilty..." Parad repeated.

He felt guilty over being alive. That he got to keep going and having fun in life when theirs all got cut short. Parad didn't like knowing that.

"It's normal to feel that way about things like this." Emu reassured him.

"It is...?" Parad didn't know if he could believe that.