House of Cards

Zaria (3)

"Hey cuz, how are you? I haven't talked to you in forever," I asked as I was cleaning up my living room, seeing as it was Sunday. I haven't cleaned my apartment up all week and I normally use Sundays and Mondays as reset days.

"Hey I'm fine, I miss you and I hope everything is going well," Hazel whispered into the phone.

"I'm glad to hear that, but what's up because you call when things go left, so what happened this time? And why are you whispering?" I questioned, anxious to know what words were about to roll out of her tongue.

"WelI I know how you feel about your family, but your dad passed away last night at memorial hill hospital. Your mom wasn't going to tell you and nobody in the family wants you to know, so I knew I had to be the one to tell you," she stated in a hushed manner as she breathed heavily into the phone.

I grew silent, unable to speak as I couldn't formulate words.

Am I crazy for not feeling anything? Maybe I am. I'm not happy nor am I sad. I think I'm more so disappointed and hurt that everyone still has this vendetta against me.

"Okay," I uttered quietly.

" The funeral is this Saturday at 1:00, I thought I should tell you just in case you wanted to come. I'll be there so let me know if you plan on coming or not," she responded.

"Okay cuz I'll let you know something cause that's a 15 hour drive to Arizona . So I might take a flight but I'll let you know something soon, I'll call you later and love you," I replied before I hung up on her.

So that's it huh? I knew it was going to happen one day but I didn't think it would be any time soon. I don't even know if I should go, I mean no one wants me there anyway.

I don't want to see anyone but I want to face one of the biggest obstacles that I've ever had to deal with. My parents. If I decide to go then I need to mentally prepare myself for all the bullshit to come with going back home.

"Uggghhh this week couldn't start off any more stressful," I thought to myself as I sat on the sofa just thinking about the events that's going to take place this week.

You know what I'm not gonna stress myself out anymore, I'm gonna go shower and fix myself breakfast. I haven't really had a proper home cooked meal in a long time. "Yeah, some waffles, bacon, eggs and fruit sounds sooo good right now ," I thought to myself as I rubbed my stomach.

I stood in the shower finding myself zoning out and watching the water fall down the drain. I think the water falling is the perfect way to describe how I feel right now. All of the droplets of water represent all of my emotions and thoughts running through my mind right now. The holes in the drain represent all of the holes of damage that had been done to me.

The longer I stay in here the longer I might fall deeper in thought. I just can't believe the 360 that my life is taking right now, after this funeral I really need to get my shit together.

" Let me put some clothes on and start cooking, cause I swear if that bacon grease pops on me I'm gonna be pissed," I say as I rummage through my closet finding something simple and comfy to wear around the house.

"Hey Siri, play my kpop playlist," I say into my phone. I normally need to listen to music while I cook because it kinda soothes me and I normally play kpop or r&b music.

Cooking brings me a sense of joy. I've been cooking since I was 7 years old because I had to cook for my family for most of my life. So I guess I could say cooking is a second language for me. I think it's safe to say that if I didn't use cooking as an outlet I would be pretty bad off at this point in my life.