Tides Of Healing Love

21. Pushing away.

When Yibo woke up, he saw that he was alone in his room, the usual emptiness made him think that maybe he had imagined everything, feeling saddened, he closed his eyes again.

"Are you up?" his eyes snapped opened when he heard Zhan's voice and he looked to the side to him there, Yibo quickly sat up on the bed and the sudden movement made him feel dizzy and he clutched his head and groaned, Zhan quickly went to him, kept aside the tray that he was holding and made him lie on the bed.

Yibo looked at him and said, "You are really here?"

"Yes, I am." Zhan said, "Here, I have made some soup for you. Drink it, you might feel better."

"Why are you here?"

"I told you already." 

"When?" Yibo asked and Zhan said, "Before you fell asleep, now here." Zhan said as he brought the spoon near Yibo's mouth, "Come on drink it."

Without any more arguments and resistance, Yibo just drank the soup that Zhan fed him lovingly and carefully.

"How is it? I cooked it." Zhan asked with a smile, hoping to get praised by Yibo.

Yibo just stared at him and just nodded, "it's nice."

"Just nice? Looks like I have to work harder." Zhan pouted like a child.

Yibo scoffed, "it tastes heavenly."

Zhan smiled again, "I knew it."

Yibo rolled his eyes as he looked to the side and smiled faintly.

After Zhan had finished feeding Yibo, he wiped his face and Yibo went to sleep again, while ZHan went back to the kitchen and cleaned the dishes, while Zhan was there, he noticed that there were not many groceries in the house and the house was not that clean either,

Yibo also didn't look in good health, Zhan smile was gone as he sighed, as he wondered what was bothering Yibo.

After some time when Yibo woke up again, he saw Zhan still beside him holding his hand and staring at him, Zhan smiled once he saw that Yibo was awake, Yibo slowly sat down on the bed, he felt much better now, "are you okay?" 

Yibo nodded, "yeah, I am okay."

They sat in silence for some time before Zhan asked, "How have you been? And why the hell did you block me? Also, how is your job and your aunt? You were doing so well when we last talked, how must progress did you make?"

Yibo clenched his fists as he heard that, a sudden anger bubbled in his heart but the anger was not towards Zhan it was towards himself, towards the world, his family, and his condition.

He felt frustrated and irritated, he gave Zhan a sharp glare and said, "Zhan, I am fine now I think you should leave."

Zhan's smile dimmed and he was visibly hurt when Yibo said, "Why are you saying that, we have met after so many years, let's talk."

"I don't want to. Go back. I am busy."

"I can wait."

Yibo closed his eyes, he didn't want to snap at Zhan, but he didn't want Zhan there, he looked at Zhan up and down and saw how well he looked, this person who was sitting before him was no longer that depressed college student, this student was now a man, who had worked hard and built himself.

Yibo knew, how hard Zhan had worked, how he had not given up in the worst of times, and here he was now, Zhan's charisma, and shine had only increased and he looked so radiant, someone so beautiful that Yibo felt that he was a dirty roach who would stain Zhan's shine.

Yibo loathed himself so much that he thought of himself as nothing but trash and that he should just stay away from Zhan.

"Just leave, Zhan." Yibo said, "I want to be alone."

"But Yibo-"

"I said leave!" He finally said in a louder voice, and immediately felt bad, when he saw the hurt on Zhan's face, Yibo felt his heart being stabbed over and over with a hot knife and it hurt more than migraine, by hurting Zhan his self-loathing only increased and he badly wanted to delete himself from this world for hurting Zhan.

Yibo then pleaded, "Zhan... please just leave..."

"Have I done wrong?" Zhan asked in a slow voice.

Yibo sighed as he closed his eyes, "No, Zhan you haven't anything wrong, it's normal for people to grow apart and you know not be as close as before... I just want to be alone right now, I don't want to see you right now."

"Then when do you want to see me?"

Yibo clenched his fist gave Zhan a hard glare and said, "Never, now get out!"

Zhan stared at Yibo before he sighed raised his hand and touched Yibo's face, "I'll leave don't cry." Yibo blinked he didn't even realize that his eyes had become wet and tears were already falling down from them.

Yibo turned to look away, while Zhan got up and gave one last look to Yibo and left.