Millie

Chapter Thirty Seven- We're done

Sunday morning arrived too soon. I could have slept for a week after that cooking debacle. We woke up and had breakfast with my Mother. She let us know that she was taking the teens for lunch and a movie whilst we went to meet with Cameron and Camilla.

I loved that my Mother was taking the time to get to know Veda of her own accord. I hadn't asked her to have the girls, she had just made the plans herself. That meant so much to me, because Veda meant so much to me, she was my sister, and my Mother recognised it and began to nurture it the moment I told her I was determined to raise her. My Mother, and Millie, my birth Mom, they were polar opposites I was beginning to realise. Millie ran away from her responsibilities, she was selfish and the furthest thing from Maternal. She had come to see me once a year on my birthday, for a while, yes, but I can't imagine it was for any reason but to prevent her guilt from eating away at her. My Mother, I hadn't ever described her as maternal, because she wasn't like any Mother I had ever known. Moira had kept herself at a safe emotional distance from me, but what I had failed to see at the time, was that she did that from beside me, guiding me, and making sure I was safe and cared for. Moira was maternal, in the rawest meaning of that word. She was present always, she fed me, clothed me, taught me, and put a roof over my head. She wasn't motherly in the sense she was gentle and affectionate with me, but I knew she cared. Moira Dawson had been on autopilot for over two decades, raising me, an unplanned child, with whom she had a responsibility for, and a desire to make greater than the circumstances of her creation.  I can't imagine trying to raise Veda from a baby, whilst at college trying to make a life for myself, and not just any life, but one that was great. What pressure that must have been. I understood my Mothers stiffness, and her lack of emotional intimacy... because she was quite literally in survival mode, for her entire youth.

Perhaps Veda was my Mothers second chance to get this right, and now with Avery in her life, maybe she would allow herself to start living... and loving. I had arrived here Saturday morning with such haste, because after twenty four years... deep down...I wanted to witness it. My goodness I wanted to witness it.

"How is the high school?" my Mother asked, coming up beside me as I stood in the room with a view at the back of the house. Light spilled in, and the trees and mountains in the distance were showing signs of fall arriving imminently.

I turned slightly and acknowledged her presence "I know it's not what you want for me"

She sipped her coffee "I want you to be successful" she replied, honestly. "But" she added, before I could form a reply "I realise that what I deem as success for you... may not be success in your eyes. If you don't want to be a professor, and if you won't find passion or success there... then I want what ever it is you do want"

I nodded, relieved to hear it. She finally accepted that my path wasn't the same as hers.

"The high school is good" I reply "I like it. It's different, but it's not exactly what I want as my career. I know you call the carpentry a hobby... but I miss it. I want to start dabbling in it again, to build and create something"

"You want to create furniture for a living" My Mother asked, trying to suppress her usual reaction, to dismiss it quickly.

I sat down beside the window, and she followed and sat opposite me.

"Not exactly. I want to look into making bespoke furniture again yes, but I also want to look into the artistic side of it. Creating pieces for commission"

I smiled, remembering the two summers I had spent as a high schooler, being mentored myself by a local artist. She created the most exquisite sculptures with a chainsaw. All bespoke, all individual, and all from power carving. I didn't give it much thought once I started college, because I was studiously following my Mothers dreams for me. Now that I lived nestled beside the forest in Willa and Allie's guest house, all I saw was the trees, and that scent followed by the desire to create came back stronger than ever. I had a knack for it. I just had to practice and spend time on my craft.