THE ULTIMATUM

STILLNESS

The desire did not cease. It continued until the day before my wedding, when it finally dwindled. Gradually, I lost the urge to pray and coax God into showing Himself to me. I could not even fast as I planned, and all I felt was a certain strange calmness. I tried to whine, but my spirit was not in agreement. It just wanted to remain still and calm. That was the 9th time that was happening in one year; the fluctuating desire, I mean. It was obvious that my brain wasn't having it, yet my spirit was content. I had allowed my spirit to be in control, so I just remained isolated and pretended to sleep all day.

Evening came, and morning came and there, the day of my wedding. I had not forgotten what I had already exclaimed 5 days prior to my big day. I was still expecting the Lord, in fact, He had about 5 more hours to show up, otherwise, I wasn't getting married. Come on, of course I was joking, but somehow I just felt giving Him an ultimatum could possibly cause Him to realize that I was serious.

Quickly, the hours had gone by, and before I could say jack, it was only an hour or less to the ceremony. Funnily, I had not given up on my hope and as I smeared perfume along the edges of my wrist and ear, I still thought to give the Lord some additional time even though the officiating minister had advised us not to be late.

"Bro, we're running late, should I help with your jacket?" My brother peeped into my room.

"Not yet, just give me a moment." I begged

"Wanna pray?"

"Yeah, something like that." I winked.

"Sure, sure. We have 5 minutes though." He whispered while giving me an affirmative thumbs up.

As soon as he left my room, I lowered the volume on the phonograph, tossed my perfume on the bed and sat comfortably in the armchair. I sincerely tried to pray, but my spirit was oh-so calm. I gazed at my wristwatch and reminded God that we had only 5 minutes left before my parents summoned me. I sat still, reflecting on my life, my growth and how impossible my marriage appeared when the prompting came to me. Everything seemed to be a miracle in some way and that got me feeling a huge sense of gratitude.