one step forward

a voice, that is so familiar

"valerie?"

"pablo?"

***

"mama" this was the first thing i said to my mother in such a long time. tears appeared on my face, and my heart beat stronger than anything.

in my mother's arms i finally felt relief. i finally felt the love i needed for so long.

"caro, we missed you so much, we needed you more than you could even think" she cried at my shoulder and i could feel her fresh tears.

it really hurts to see your mother cry.

she stopped hugging me and looked into my eyes, as if she didn't believe, that i was standing in front of her, but it was the truth. after that she hugged me tightly again and said only: "i love you".

i love you too, mama.

***

before going to bed, i decided to do what i dreamed about every day, while being in the usa. i had to see my brother.

you can't imagine how many times i saw him in front of me, when my consciousness was not in a normal state. i tried to talk to him, i believed, that he was nearby, but it was not true. he died, but for me he will forever remain alive. my big brother will forever remain alive.

when i finally was ready with all my thoughts, i went out into the street all alone. i walked, and the wind blew my fluffy hair. i smelled barcelona, ​​i felt much better than in america, because these were my native streets, my native people and my native city.

step by step i was approaching a meeting, that i had been waiting for and fearing at the same time for a very long time. i wanted to talk to my brother, to feel him next to me again. my tears already filled my eyes, but i tried to hold them back. i have gotten used to it all the time, so it was an easy task for me.

***

"hi, lucas. did you miss me? i am sure you did! i have so much to tell you. what should i start with? first of all, i will tell you how much i missed you, you won't believe how many times i saw you in america. but at least you visited there, everything was as you dreamed! by the way, i lived there for a long time, and believe me, spain is much better. you ask, how was it for me there? bad, lucas. i felt bad without my family, my friends, without you, it was very bad, but i won't go into details, you only want good news, right?" i stopped and thought for a second.

"well, good.." and at that moment i realized, that nothing good had happened to me during these months.

"i lived like in the series, cool, right? but you will never forgive me for what i tell you next. i tried drugs. forgive me, my big bro, but i had no other choice. you left me, so i had to overcome my feelings in this way. but we have met many times, so it is okay, yeah? lucas, i love you so much and miss you so much, you have no idea. i miss you so much, brother, i really miss you".

and at that moment i took the ground next to the grave in my hands, trying to grab onto the only thing, that was left of my brother. i missed him more than i have ever thought i could.

***

the silver moon shone on me, the cold breeze blew and touched my hair, meanwhile i was sitting alone and looking at my brother's grave.

the darkness scared me, because i was sitting alone until the moment i heard someone's steps. and then someone's voice.

a voice, that is so familiar.