kink • cashton [✓]

-10-

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You know that feeling of breaking everything in front of you? Or of throwing all the objects near you on the wall only to see every piece break? Ashton was above that feeling.

He wasn't even mad anymore. He was furious. He felt used, dirty and unloved by Calum. How could his own best friend do this to him? Ashton knew that Calum wouldn't love him one day but, no one wants to be on a situation like that. Nobody deserves being used in a way so ridiculously like that.

As Ashton was breaking slowly inside, Calum was figuring out how in the world he'd explain the truth to his friend, "Ash, just listen, I can explain-"

"Freaking save it Calum, I don't want to hear anything coming from your stupid mouth!" Ashton exclaimed slamming his arms furiously on the desk. To say Ashton didn't want to punch Calum was a lie, but somehow something inside of him was controlling his anger.

Calum flinched at Ashton's raised voice, the younger boy knew for sure that Ashton could discount his fury and sadness on him in any second, "Look Ash I'm so sorry, I never meant to-"

Again, Ashton interrupted him with a sarcastic chuckle, "To what?! To hurt me? Well, guess what? You did! You were doing, every day, you were hurting me Calum."

"I know bu- wait every day? What are you talking about? I thought you were enjoying our nights together," Calum said confused taking a step closer to the curly haired boy.

"I was! Fuck Calum, why did you have to do that?!" Ashton yelled fighting against the tears under his eyes as he collapsed in bed, "Why Calum?"

"What Ashton, fuck, what did I do Ash? I'm sorry, I'm so sorr-"

"Stop lying, stop! I can't believe you were just using me! HOW COULD YOU?" Ashton yelled again covering his face with his shaky hands.

Calum however was lost. It was pretty clear that Ashton wasn't rambling about the fact Calum was the one who sent them the book, it was something else. He just couldn't figure out what, "Ash, stop, tell me, what the hell did I do wrong?!"

"You make me fucking love you Cal! That's what you did, you made me fall in love for you, the one guy who ever showed me a little more love than the others," Ashton admitted hopeless, "Also the one who fucking used me all these weeks, the one who played with my feelings every night."

Calum then felt like crying. He felt horrible by doing that, but he couldn't tell Ashton the truth, not yet. But everything was interrupted when a simple and quiet sob escape from Ashton's lips.

Ashton never cries, like ever, he's always too strong to cry but Calum made him. Calum succeeded by making his best friend cry. It was already too late to support the older boy, he was already sobbing not holding anymore, "W-why Calum?"

"I'm so sorry Ash, I wasn't - I didn't - I," Calum didn't know how to start. He just came a little closer to the older boy scared about what he could do with him, "Just let me explain, please."

Ashton, with his covered red and tear stained face, nodded after a while. It's not like he was going to forgive Calum anyway.

So slowly, Calum sat next to Ashton giving the older boy some properly space not forcing anything, "I-I, damn it, I don't know how to start."

"Please, stop hurting me and spill it out already, please Cal-," Ashton said closing his eyes letting a weak sob interrupt his talk.

Calum couldn't see Ashton broke like that anymore. He just hated, it brought some many old memories that the younger boy learned to hate every time he'd see Ashton crying or sobbing.

Risking, Calum brushed his right thumb gently over Ashton's cheek wiping the tears away. The older boy anyhow only melted into Calum's touch leaning his head shameless on the younger boy's hand, "Please, Cal."

"Alright, alright," Calum began speaking bitting his lower lip nervously, "But first, I just need you to believe that I never wanted you to get hurt, okay?"

Ashton didn't nod, in fact, he shrugged backing away from Calum's touch, "Please Ash, believe that, I would never hurt yo-"

"But you did. A lot to be honest," Ashton said interrupting and also remembering the fact that his best friend did used him mercilessly, "Just, tell me something good and real enough to convince me not to leave this house." 

Calum shocked. He never expected Ashton to say that words, this wasn't what he was thinking when he first decided to sent the book, "Y-you wouldn't..."

"Don't test me Calum, I mean it! Now tell me the fucking truth," Ashton demanded loosing his patience while standing up brutally, "Now!"

"Ok, ok," Calum said nervously running his sweaty hands through his hair several times, "The whole idea of sending you - us a book began at uni when Luke and Michael told us they were opening their library."

Ashton only blinked, letting Calum speaks until the end. Calum awkwardly coughed before keep talking, "I was going to ask them to send us, honestly, but then they moved away and I kinda of forgot to ask about the book. Suddenly happened that Michael called me crying a while ago saying that him and Luke broke up."

"Of course, I remembered about the idea. I was going to ask him to pretend to send us the kink book so you'd believe more easily, but I felt so sorry about him that I just couldn't. So I ended buying the book, wrote that note, faked being Michael and Luke and really hoped that you'd never found out," Calum finished quickly not making any eye contact with his old best friend.

After a while, Ashton sighed and walked slowly to Calum only to cup his face with his large hands, "Why would you even do that? Why the random idea of having sex with me?"

"Because, I loved you," Calum answered looking up to meet Ashton's gaze, "Because, I still do."

And that little second that Calum thought everything would be okay went away. Leaving him totally wrecked as Ashton leaned closer to his face almost connecting their lips and said that small little sentence that broke Calum's heart in ten different ways,

"Bye Cal."

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so much drama i cry