Back To You | A Marauders Love Story

Chapter 1. I Love You Jamie

My heart aches. All the time it aches. I should be happy. I have a beautiful, intelligent, loving wife and an adorable son.  I should be happy with my life and the family I have but I'm not. No matter how hard I try to fill the void in my chest, it's as if something is missing.

"James, Don't dwell on it too long. We'll figure it out eventually. Right now we need to focus on keeping you all safe from Voldemort." My best friend Sirius said.

"I can't stop thinking about it Siri. It's like I forgot something but can't remember what it is. It feels like I'm forgetting someone." I said and looked him in the eyes. But he looked away as if he knew something. "Siri?" He didn't respond. "Padfoot." He just got up and went into the kitchen.

"Sirius what do you know?" I asked as my voice raised a bit.

"It doesn't matter Prongs. It's been 4 years already. It's no use." He said then stopped.

"What do you mean 4 years? I only started thinking about it a few months ago after Voldemort first attacked us!" I yelled

"Forget I said anything. I gotta go."

He left without another word, and I was just left to wonder. Maybe Lily can help me figure it out, if not her the my only hope would be Dumbledore. He wouldn't be any help as he's know for withholding information from us.

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It was about 2 hour before Lily came back, it now being 7pm. 

When she came back, I was sat at the kitchen table feeding Harry, who was on the verge of falling asleep.

"James?" she asked as I was lost in thought. I looked up at her then back to Harry. I felt so detached from everything.

"Lily, I need your help with something important." I told her as I burped Harry and he fell asleep. I went to the living room and placed him in his playpen as I sat on the couch and Lily sat next to me.

"Is it about your memory?" she asked looking down. I told her yes and she looked at me the same way Sirius did. As if she knew something.

"Don't look at me like that. Sirius did the same thing before he left. Just tell me what you all know. Please. It's eating me alive from the inside not knowing what I forgot." I pleaded with her.

"Let's go back into the kitchen so that we don't wake Harry." she said and made her way to the kitchen with me behind her.

"Tell me what it is." 

"I can't. None of us can. We are all under oath not to say a word of it." she said looking down at her feet.

"Then how am I supposed to know? Who made you take the oath? And who else knows?" I bombarded her with questions.

"Look, James, I love you and you deserve happiness. I can't go into detail, but I can give you clues. First off, The reason you cannot remember is because you were obliviated 4 years ago. The person who did it I cannot say. And only way for you to remember is if the caster of the spell dies. Dumbledore made us take the oath as he said it was for the best that you never know. That it could help us win the war against You-Know-Who. As for those who know, Sirius, Remus, Peter, The Black Sisters, Lucius Malfoy, Padora Rosier, Barty Crouch Jr, Evan Rosier."

"Why do the Death Eaters know but I don't? It doesn't make any sense." I paced the kitchen holding my head.

"Look, the fact that you remembered that you forgot something means that the caster is either dead or dying. That's both a good thing and a bad thing. I want you to understand that when your memories come back, we did it because we love you James. We didn't want you to be hurt by any of it. But please make the right choices." I had my back to her as I began to think. she came and kissed my cheek. "I love you." then she left me alone.

So I was obliviated, and the person who did it is probably dead. But who would want me to forget something so badly? And why? What does she mean she doesn't want me to get hurt?

I sighed and headed up to the guest room. I haven't been able to sleep next to Lily for the past few weeks. Her touch just feels foreign. It feels like I'm betraying someone. I undressed, and laid down going to sleep. My mind swirling with questions. Maybe I'll get more answers tomorrow when I go to see Dumbledore.

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I opened my eyes to feel someone hugging me. I looked down and saw a head of raven black hair. The owners hands wrapped tightly around my waist. This felt strange but right. I tried to see their face but It was dark. 

"I love you Jamie. Always. You mean the world to me."  They said as I felt my school robs get wet as if they were crying. The voice sounded male, but I could not place it. I closed my eyes and hugged them back and felt myself drifting away.

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I woke up sweating. That person in my dream. It feels as if I know them but from where? I sighed and got up to get ready for the day. I casted a wandless tempus, and saw that it was a bit after 5 am.

"Well, I'm up anyway." I mumbled to myself. I put on the lights in the room and looked around. This was the only room not Gryffindor themed, at my request. It had a blueish grey color scheme. I don't know why, but these colors bring me comfort unlike the bright red and gold colors my friend love. Not to mention the bits of emerald in between. It feels like it was meant to represent something, or someone. But I'm not going to try to figure it out right now.

I'm just going to get through the day until our Order meeting with Dumbledore.

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It was about 1pm when I left Lily at home to go to Diagon Alley for supplies. I was heavily under a Disillusionment Charm. To hide myself from any roaming Death Eaters. I was heading in the direction of Gringotts when I spotted who looked like Evan Rosier. He was one of the higher up Death Eaters who we had not caught. But he was also someone under oath of my memory. I snuck up to him as he was hiding near Flourish & Blotts. I casted a wandless Petrificus Totalus and silencio on him then threw my invisibility cloak over him and pulled him into Knockturn Alley. 

I went into an abandoned building and bound him and took his wand before releasing him from the petricus and silencio. 

"What do you want Potter?" I asked him.

"How'd you know it was me?" I asked confused.

"You magic signature is still entwined with his. You can't hide from a Death Eater as long as that's still happening." he smiled.

"Who? What do you mean entwined?" I asked.

"You still don't remember?" He asked actually looking shocked. "Which means he might still be alive." he mumbled the last part.

"I doubt it. Whoever obliviated me is dying. I keep getting bits and pieces of memories. But not enough to give me answers. So start talking."

"You know I can't. I am still under oath, we all are. So kidnapping me isn't going to help you. Just let me go and I'll help you. After all he was my best friend." he said looking down and mumbling the last part AGAIN.

"Fine. Help me remember." I said and released him.