dear wattpad, first entry is going to be a rough one that's for sure. to start off with today was a choir concert which i busted my fucking ass working on there one song, which is in the video above, particularly that stood out to me. how i personally interpreted it was coming from a place similar to me right now, suicidal and broken, but being able to come out of that and be able to recover from it and become a new person. my friend who i'll just call M as for people not to witch hunt them, has dealt with similar feelings and i thought "hey maybe i should take them to this concert along with R (one of my other friends)" and so i did. both M and R said they could go and M said they could walk. time comes for the rehearsal and me and my choir friends are talking to eachother but i'm desperately checking the doors of the concert hall for M, R, and my mom. we go through our rehearsal and my mom and R walk in and join my dad. i get off stage and walk backstage. i tell my friend G that i really hope M can make it to hear new day. they tell me that M will totally make it because they care about me. so i wait for the second choir to finish singing. after, i walk kn stage in the front row (diagram below)
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
so i get to singing and stomping and clapping and all that jazz for our first song
do da do sylvie is done and we exit the stage, no sign of M i tell G that i'm worried M stood me up. i was on the verge of tears. G comforts me and i sit for the next few minutes listening to the other choirs preform. we get back on stage and begin to sing new day. i scour the auditorium for any sing of M. I see a kid who knows M on the balcony and someone who i cant see because they're hidden by the stage lights. i keep searching thinking that the person behind the light is M but i cant shake the feeling it's not M. i sing while biting my tongue, trying not to cry. we sing the finale and i am barely holding back tears. i go see R & my parents and i start sobbing, i couldn't help myself i was so stressed all day from prep that i didn't allow myself a break, but i knew it wasn't just that. i ask my mom where M is and she say M isn't there and that makes my heart sink. all that effort for nothing. the world had screwed me over for the billionth time. the car ride home was fine i tried to act like i was fine but i couldn't hold it in. after i dropped R at their house i vented tk my mom about this and started breaking down. we got home and we'll here i am. sobbing, hyperventilating, holding onto my plushies for dear life, and writing on wattpad what have i done...?
