Life is strange lately. I just turned thirty four, but the pandemic stole three years from us, so I still feel thirty. What was just entering a new era suddenly became a year away from society deeming me worthless because I have a childless body and a ring finger full of sun and not diamonds.
I do yoga five days a week.
I meditate.
I stretch.
I affirm. I journal.
I eat clean and work out.
I pay for special alkaline water because I know my body is my temple and I only want clean feet to walk through it.
I am kind to strangers. I try never to judge people based off our differences. I am kind to my waiters and I always tip. Unless they are a dick. Then I give fifteen percent.
I have hobbies and skills and friends from all places.
My family is my back bone. With out them surely I would be in outer space searching for their souls so we could be reincarnated as a unit once more.
Money is good. I have bigger plans for that though. I have always been ambitious. Driven. Creative. Smart. I have been told I am pretty since the day I was born. Not a flex. Just a fact. These are all blessings.
I have endured the emotional weight of being a young girl who just wanted to feel loved for so long it turned into my backbone. My spine holding the secrets of how the first man to ever break my heart was my father.
These are all things someone with a much worse life could scoff at and say ungrateful is what I am. And I agree. Gratitude is the key. Believe it or not I have plenty. I have days where I am happy and days where I forget all the weight and suddenly I am floating like a star in space.
That's the thing about being human. We are contradictory. A walking dichotomy. You can love yourself and still be lonely. You can heal but still feel pain. Humans are not one noted. One size fits all. We can cry while we laugh. And try to make sense of it all. Maybe that is what is so confusing. Is that we never really know what it's all about. Life. Why are we here? What will happen when we are gone? Who began the whole "living to paying bills just to die" thing. But even if we do not have all the answers, we still have to get up in the morning and shut our alarm clock off. We still have to hug our mothers and thank them for the food they brought us in that ten year old plastic tupperware. We still have to call our friend that's going through a break up to make sure they're okay. We still have to go on. So I guess. What I am trying to say is. When you feel so alone. Like I do. Try and remember that while you might be physically alone. You are not, alone.
